Anal play in ONSs - When did it become a thing???

[fedupwithdates]

Long-standing MNer here, so name changed, don't want to get outed.

Just got back from a date that was meant to be a fun ONS. I am so sick and tired of what people consider standard in sex nowadays! After being married for 17 years, I completely missed the latest trends and norms it seems. I am serious when I ask this - are bums seriously that much of a norm now? I can see a couple who are together for a while and steady to do some anal, but ONSs, out of the blue? I am serious here. There have been multiple people in the last few months who wanted to either eat my bum or asked me how I felt about eating theirs. Oh and it's men and women, equally. Like, I did not get the f*cking memo! Excuse my French. I don't know, I am starting to think I am looking at the wrong place for ONS.

Not returning to respond, just had to vent my frustration.

(I DON'T WANT DMS. And no, I don't want offers either to be friends.)

Just add "no bum play, ever" to your dating profile

Or get a "No entry" sign tattooed one cheek. 🤔

Rimming and anal play seem to be an everyday thing. Not for me.

Definitely not on a first date for me!

It's definitely not for me, but it does seem more people are into more kinks, and I've had real surprise last week when in told a new partner I'm just not into bum play.

It’s the mainstream nature of porn that normalises it.

Male here and I can honestly say it does nothing for me, I've done anal sex once with an ex girlfriend purely because she really wanted to try it.
I really don't get the fascination

@fedupwithdates No No No to anal. Tried it once out of curiosity with long term partner. Won't need to try it ever again!
I think there have been more threads and posts about this in last two years. Just an opinion.

never done a ONS, but anal play is such a big part of my sex life now I can’t imagine it without it. And weirdly it was me that brought it up mutual my husband. It was right in the beginning of our relationship, I was waiting for the birth control to start working, we didn’t have condoms, so I asked him if he wanted to try do it in the bum. I had never thought about it or tried it before that moment. He thought all his christmases had come at once.

ONS? If she asks, OK. Would I attempt to go in the tradesmans without explicit consent - no.

I disagree. In my experience, it's been "conmon" for 30+yrs. If porn has changed anything, it's the prevalence in conversation, not the act itself.
Mimesis vs anti-mimesis.

As for ANAL being on the menu for a ONS - not really a need . But isn’t a ONS the check box for sexual intrigue and fantasies to be fulfilled?

2 of the 3 holes offered should suffice , right?
NOW- I will say that any woman who doesn’t like their cute bum fingered , while having their man go down on them - needs to try it at least once and a ONS - IS - that time to try. ONS IS the inherent - try anything - night - because you are NOT - going back for more from this person - So you should check all your boxes if out hunting for ONS sex .

I’d leave a lasting memory of unbridled passion for the woman - no question .

IF - ONS has a list of do’s and don’t’s - you best be up front and share them well ahead of time .

Sex is way more than PIV these days - & IF the spark is there in ONS - then fire it up an let loose

Nobody is putting anything up my arse hole and that is the end of that

I’m male and in anew relationship with a woman can honestly say it’s her who is into anal play more than me - she likes shoving things up my bum !

I guess I can see how some might view a ONS as a way to "try anything". But for me personally, I'd rather do certain things or get 'kinky' with someone I know, care about and trust. I have no "kinks" that I can't live without so not doing them wouldn't be an issue.

As for anal. I'm fine without it whether it be first or 501st date.

This thread is not about your preference. It is about ONS and perception of anal play being normalized.

I don't know, kinks, anal, all that stuff is all fun and games, maybe for a couple who are steady together for a while, sure. Or, if we stick with ONSs if that one-off is understood to be about something specific like that, yes, go for it. My confusion comes from how many people just assume out of the blue, first time meeting me, that I would want my ass played with, or better yet, that I would play with someone's (men and women). It's odd to me.

I think bum play is a lot more common now, I think it should be discussed on a ONS instead of just doing it though.

My DH has always been an arse man and doesn’t really like tits. He loves giving me oral in doggy position and will often lick my bumhole too. I quite like it, it really turns him on and he also often inserts a finger a little whilst fucking me from behind. We’ve both done anal before but when we were younger and not with each other. I would like to try anal with him but he’s 8’ so we always say that we should buy some but plugs first but never actually get round to it

I presume many people have less respect for a ONS partner so don't really care?

And as has been said, the approach is to just get what you want and live out your fantasies?

Holiday lets, hire cars, ONS partners ... none are treated as well as something that's our own.

How lovely!

I remember someone asking a man why he had a mistress - he said it was because she did all the filthy things he would never ask his wife to do because he respected her too much.

If a ONS asks for anal it’s not on really that early on is it?

I suggest you say “sure, but I really am more of a giver, would you like me to strap up now?”

Feel sure he’ll change attitude sharpish!