Sex life

[1234a12]

Hi everyone just wanted to get some advice on how to approach a subject. Have been married for 17 years together for 22 years. Myself and dh get on great and have fun together however the sex isnt great. I know that my body has changed after children. Im a size 14 and 5'7 for reference. My dh is more attracted to slimer women. Ive lost a stone and a half this past year and im still working on it but whenever we have sex its over very quickly and he doesnt touch me very much or kiss me much either. Ive tried things like toys, lingerie and telling him things i like but he still doesnt make me feel like he wants to be having sex with me just that we are married and thats his only option. Would u say something or just suck it up until im slimmer and hope things improve???

That's a real shame as you sound like a really sexy and fun woman - all our bodies change with age and experiences etc and that should never be a reason not to have sex. . You've made the effort for him and he should be responding to that. Sex in LTR needs both sides to be engaged and it's easy to get into a rut. Sounds like you have tried most things already - so yes, you should be saying something. When you say he is attracted to slimmer women - has he been open about this or just what you think he wants? Wishing you all the best.

Thanka dandan88. Yes he has always been open about this. He has made comments about my body which we discussed and I've gotten past it but its so hard to get to where he would like me to be and with sex we only do positions he wants / likes ie im never ever on top or in control but when we are in the moment and i try to subtly direct him he just pulls away

Are you wanting to be more in control or trying to get him to do what you need to orgasm? I take it you do cum when you have sex? Seems very selfish of him to pull away from you.

To be honest im.just trying to get him to touch me, anywhere.i dont cum all the time i would say probably very little at the moment as im too in my head that he doesnt like what he sees and id just like some passion from him like kissing me, my neck etc

To be honest he sounds awful. You deserve so much more than this from life.

Is it worth talking to him about this? Would he change?

Im just not sure what to say it is possible to be passionate with someone if youre not physically attracted to them??

The short answer is no, you can't be passionate with someone you're not attracted to. I think you have tried mostly everything. From what you are saying you're not exactly overweight, but clearly he has an issue with it and I just think you need to sit down and have a mature conversation with him. Has he openly said he doesn't like or enjoy having sex with you since you put on extra weight? Has he expressed that the only way he will enjoy it, is by you having a slim body? If so you clearly have got a decision to make, either to lose weight or give up I guess.

Yes he has said that he prefers me to be slimmer and is more attracted to me and is more interested in sex but even when i was slimmer there wasnt much passion which i put down to a stressful life with 3 children but now im not sure?? Im just so confused and a bit embarrassed to talk about it with him . There are certain things he said he really doesnt like to do (like giving oral) and thats fine id never ask him to do something hes uncomfortable with but kissing me and putting in a but of effort doesnt seem like too much to ask for is it???

I mean that's practically the bare minimum what you're asking for. I say this all the time, I would rather be embarrassed than have a knot in my chest, so go and have that conversation and see where it goes. Has his body remained unchanged since you've first met him by any chance?

Hes always been a bit of a bigger guy so has probably gone up and down a bit but i would never make a comment about it and would still be attracted to him. I think i just need to work up the courage to have the chat

He is deflecting by pointing the finger at you. The problem sounds like it’s with him.

I know you say you get on and have fun but if he is holding you to a specific body type while not being necessarily an Adonis himself he doesn’t sound that nice and should be pretty grateful you still want to shag him to be honest.

Ap pp said you are really only looking for the bare minimum. I’d continue to work on yourself if it is for you and do things that make you feel good . If you’re not getting any oral I’d treat yourself to a good quality suction toy and see how that goes.

I've been hearing good things about the lemon toy - 3 of my friends have said its a game charger.

Thanks for all the advice everyone . I already have a really good vibrator that is my best friend 😂😂