Where to find a Dom

[Bishbashbosh24]

Hello!

My Dom and I are going our separate ways. He was my first, so I'm wondering where I might search for one? We met on Fab and it turned into what it was. Not sure if that's the right place to explicitly search though, I want someone intelligent who understands the dynamics etc.

Cheers!

Well, you could try looking on Fetlife for your local munch & get yourself along to it. Go out & meet real people face to face, build the connections & make friends. Go to local (or not so local, depends if you can travel) events & meet people.

Assuming you're a woman, you can have your pick of male Doms as they're the majority & you're in the minority.

Feeld maybe?

Definitely Feeld

Has it got a lot of users outside of London? In my head, these things tend to work better in big cities. I'm South west/Wales

Fetlife, although US biased, has users all over the country, and has a good "diary of events", showing what's on in your area.

Completely agree with a PP who said go to munches and other events. Take your time, and choose carefully...

What's a munch??? I definitely feel a bit green!

I've learned a fair amount from my first time. And what to avoid as well, as some of this has been difficult.

😁It's fine. You have to start somewhere!

A munch is a social event for people in the lifestyle. It's usually held in a pub, and won't include any kind of play (depends on the munch!) - it's a great way to get to know people (and get known!)

If you do sign up to Fet, then the Events page is really useful. If you are concerned about attending, then reach out to the organisers beforehand.

Just be aware that just because they organise events doesn't mean they aren't predators!

Feel free to ask anything else - happy to help, if I can.

Okay thank you! It's a bit overwhelming to be honest. I'll take my time with it I guess.

Definitely recommend Fetlife, there is an active community in most big towns and lots of local events. Get to know some local people and find ones you get on with and you should have no problem finding a partner. Be careful on dating sites though and people contacting you directly, there are a lot of predators who target newbies to the scene, meeting people, making friends and building your confidence will be essential.

@Bishbashbosh24 Experienced doms are very rare. The issue is that virtually everyone expects to find a dom who is experienced, rather than doing the legwork to find a blank slate, communicate what is expected, and shape that person into a dom.

The truth is that it's just laziness. It's like the employers who expect to receive applications from trained people with 10+ years of experience, rather than train the employees that they have.

Fetlife will have Doms, or more often those who want to be Doms. But whether they are the right people is another matter.
How much Dom are you looking for -- contracts and control over everything and sleeping on the floor next to the bed, or a bit of a spank in the bedroom? Because a lot of male partners could certainly be able to take control in sexual matters, but not the full role play 24/7.

@UnemployedNotRetired Fetlife will have Doms, or more often those who want to be Doms. But whether they are the right people is another matter.

The issue is that the number of doms is tiny compared to the number of subs. Hence why most subs are overlooked.

The problem is that anyone who describes themselves as a Dom online almost certainly isn’t…

Feeld, Fab, Fetlife, Killing Kittens… there’s lots of online communities where you can connect with people but I agree with @AverageGuythat your best bet is a local munch.

Is Feeld a fairly active app outside of London?

@Bishbashbosh24 I'm currently in Shropshire, and there are (apparently) several people within a reasonable distance on Feeld, and I have met & played with one woman. However, I've also recently had two "women" try to scam me for money, so you can never tell.

I'd suggest you insist on a decent, clear video call before going too far.