Partner doesn’t cum with me

[Maybeyou]

We are in a relationship almost 2 years and my partner never cum in me / with me
we use condoms but still he cum only on me with a hand job
what could be a reason?

Maybe the woman wants to avoid going on hormonal contraception? Maybe due to the potential ill side effects? What's hard to understand about that?

@Chellybellea man has spoken so…! 😂

Nothing at all, but of course you’re merely speculating, aren’t you?

Yeap I don't know why women on here are saying it's not real when we've got partners who have experience with it.

I think it’s only men on here saying it’s not real @dovetail22uk

Ooooh that's interesting. So cos they've not experienced it then it isn't real? Lol

Yeah I think so. Tbf I’ve never had experience of it but I do believe people that say they have!

I think the fear of a pregnancy resulting may be a real possibility. Especially if there is some secrecy in the relationship, say to possibly disapproving parents.

Quote a link to credible source and we can all see if it's real.

In God We Trust. Everyone else brings data.

Seeing as all hormonal contraceptives are free, and condoms cost money and are a bit of a faff… I’m guessing she’s not too far off the mark! I am sure you will carry on ‘merely speculating’ though!

So you’re guessing, while she prefers to speculate!! 😂👍

I mean, if a woman cant cum during sex nobody says its a porn addicrion or that a women may have been masturbating too much, also prob blame the man for this as well. Men do have mental blocks and some of the same emotional reasons that they mihht not be able to cum during sex.

It’s been over two years, hopefully he’s been able to cum by now

She'll probably be very sore then.

Interesting that this thread went off on an a tangent about whether death-grip syndrome is actually a thing. Who to actually believe: women who have experienced the sexual response of a variety of penises, or men who have a lifetime’s experience of actually owning a penis?

I think we need a gay man to come and settle the argument.

I think death grip is as real as 'numb clit', which is something I've just made up but it is caused by a woman's over enthusiastic use of sex toys!

I don't believe death grip exists as a physical response to excessive masturbation in men, but I definitely do believe that excessive use of pornography can cause a man to mentally find ordinary sex less arousing.

After two years OP, he really ought to have settled into nice satisfying sex with you, I think there's something odd going on here and it's not just the condoms. Or at least, I'd be looking deeper into it first rather than trying sex without them as a solution to the problem.

Have you asked him op? It could be anything really, maybe he’s scared of getting you pregnant and doesn’t trust conforms fully (maybe he got a girl pregnant in the past, or a friend of his got a girl pregnant, with condom use?). Maybe it’s habit and he’s so used to coming through wanking (certain grip? Speed?) that his body doesn’t get to a climax without that grip/ speed / whatever? Maybe he associates wanking with watching porn (does he still watch porn??). Maybe it’s not the wanking itself, but he finds coming ON you more arousing than coming IN you (could be porn related, or a dominance / fetish thing).
Does he really only climax when he wanks on you? What about oral sex? Different positions? doggy? 69? Playing with his balls? When you give him a hand job? Role play? Dirty talk? Anal (IF that’s something you do together) or you stimulating him anally (again if this is something you do)? Has this been the only way he has been able to climax in ALL his relationships /sexual encounters? What type of previous sexual encounters has he had?

The only way you’re going to find out is by talking about it.

Is he on SSRi's or anything like that? They make it difficult to climax.

When I took anti-depressants it'd have be the perfect angle and prolonged intercourse to ejaculate vaginally - so would have to resort to hands too - coming off them I've gone the other way and wish I could find a happy medium!

P.S Death grip is nonsense IMO. Gripping your penis too hard speeds up an orgasm during masturbation, but it doesn't desensitise it when it comes to being stimulated during vaginal sex - there must be other things at play here. When I'd been on no medication and in my 20's I'd masturbate frequently with a firm grip and then ejaculate fine during intercourse.

Also wading in on the porn thing - real sex with a women is WAY better than any kind of porn in my lived experience.

Sadly for some men it’s not better… based on many many posts on mumsnet

If a relationship is bad and there is resentment/emotional difficulties then I can see turning to porn as a replacement, but unless you're completely sexually mismatched e.g. fetishes, I can't see how someone could find porn more satisfying - end of the day it's just your hand and a screen, irrespective of how exotic the content.

I don’t understand it either (I’m a woman) but there are many many posts from women upset that their oh no longer wants sex but is watching porn.

DEATH GRIP. The completely made up Mumsnet answer to everything including ‘why won’t my car start when it’s cold out?’

Do old people reallly have sex after 80….no. That,s not sex. It is showing affection. The mind boggles

I think it's not so much that porn is better It's more that sex mightn't happen if the relationship isn't good, You don't want to get intimate, if you do, getting turned on isn't as easy - if you're over a certain age that means you won't get hard - the thought of sex can be confronting rather than enticing - porn becomes the preferred option and then a habit.

That does make sense