Previously posted elsewhere but realised probably wrong place.
For several years I've been suffering with low libido. I'm age 40.
Post partum (7 ish years ago) it took us a long time to resume sex. I didn't really feel like it. That period was hard on our relationship in general, I often thought we would split up during our son's first year.
When our son was a toddler i got glandular fever which triggered ME. I was really ill. Bed bound/ housebound for about 2 years. Couldn't work. My husband became my carer.
I'm now much more well and can do a lot more. But libido hasn't resumed.
I have Masterbated which he knows. It's infrequent and quick. He's hurt by this when I'm not having sex with him,which I do understand.
My husband is understandably hurt. Last night we attempted sex but he could tell I wasn't into it and he got upset and stopped. Tonight he asked if I'm having / have had an affair. He doesn't seem to fully believe me that the answer is no.
I was sexually assaulted as a child and have just started therapy for this which is hard. But I'm doing it because I feel it may be contributing.
I have also been to the GP who tested for early menopause (came back negative) and prescribed vaginal oestrogen to hopefully help dryness. I haven't started this yet.
I've gone off the pill a few times to see if it helped. Got my first coil recently.
I'm really sad that this is upsetting my husband. But I also feel it's not my fault and we need to try things together. I think he sees it as rejection and personal but I see it as medical / psychological (whilst acknowledging it hurts him).
I've tried to do it for him (as I don't think I'll get desire but I do care about him). He can tell I'm not into it. We are at the point where initiating feels pointless and awkward.
Just don't know what to do... medical, psychological, chronic illness, a problem with us - it's hard to know which avenue to try or what to do!