Finding people for non-monagamy/swinging without being outed.

[Nonmonogamouse]

How do you do it whilst maintaining your privacy?

I'm bi. DP and I are looking for singles/couples to see together and I have his permission to meet women on my own. We (understandably!) don't want to have to tell family/friends about this.

We've tried Feeld which was totally dead unless we wanted to travel a hundred miles (we don't).

I've tried Bumble on my own but saw loads of people on there who we know (including coupled up people pretending to be single) so came off sharpish.

I get that profiles without pictures are not going to be popular but with my job I'm just never going to be comfortable with my face on these sites.

Is FabSwingers the only option? We were on there before and I put one pic on which didn't reveal my full face (think masquerade mask) and a school gates dad recognised me and sent me a pervy message so I deleted the profile in fear!!

Do we just need to be brazen and get over being judged by others? Or do I just buy an upside down pineapple necklace and start hanging out in bars? 🤣

We've looked at Killing Kittens etc but the nearest ones (Manchester) are always fully booked up and also in my head these events are populated by ridiculously attractive model types which is off-putting.

I've had a few spontaneous encounters on nights out which have been so much more fun and natural than trawling the internet for others but it's hit and miss in our city.

If you're near Manchester you could try Skirt club OP? The website is ridiculously glitzy and glam but I'm reliably informed that the actual events (including the more informal and non-sex party ones) are actually full of fun, approachable, down to Earth lovely women.

I'm on the killing kittens app. It's called We are X. It's like a dating site. And they have social get togethers as well. It's not all about the parties.

If you join, DM me as there is a mumsnet private group on the app.

Good luck

Fabswingers is the place to be, but as you have discovered a lot more people than you would think are on there so you have to be careful if you don’t want to be recognised.

Dont is real name or even initial, don’t use real town etc

I'm on killing kittens (now We Are X). Don't often go to KK parties these days. Much prefer joining the chat groups and getting to know people on there. Have made some lovely friends throughout the country. It's not just for the young and beautiful.

I was once involved in a gang bang that had been arranged by a couple. Their method of ensuring their privacy was very clever; they had a trusted male friend advertise on one of the swinging sites (I can't remember which one, as this was over 20 years ago). Anyone interested had contact only with the male friend who vetted them and sorted the wheat from the chaff. The gangbang was arranged to take place at the male friend's home. When the other men arrived, the couple turned up and the event took place without the couple ever having any email/phone contact with the participants.

The husband of the couple wanted it this way, so that his wife would be unable to contact anyone. All participants were allowed to attend just the once, in order to prevent any attachments developing.

You still have to trust someone, but with this method you only have to trust the one person and it does ensure anonymity. The couple had successfully used this method for a couple of years without any snags.

There are a lot of groups on Discord. I'm on one called Unseen Lounge which has nearly 1000 members who practise swing, poly and kink, based in the Midlands but anyone can join except the in-person events are in Nottingham. Have you tried Feeld as just a couples' profile, or as singles that are connected? Feeld has an algorithm that shows you different things depending on how you present - if you have an individual profile, you may see more profiles. It would take me half an hour to get through about 20 miles of profiles, so it might be you weren't seeing enough. There don't seem to be as many socials for swing as there are for poly, so it depends what type of ENM you practice - if you're poly you'll probably find local groups on Facebook, but swing seems to be confined to swing clubs

I've met lots of people on Fab. No one in my real life knows about my naughty side. I tell this to people when I meet them.

For me to "blow their cover" and out them would mean me outing myself. When they know me a little better they know this isn't going to happen.

This is probably why I have had lots of repeat meets over the last four years. People trust me with their secret.

I've never been to a killing kittens party but I am interested in finding out more as recently got a free ticket included with this Killing Kittens gift set DP got me (the set seems like amazing value). I wouldn't have had the confidence to buy a ticket but as it's free i'm considering going along and experiencing it. But like you @Nonmonogamouse concerned about being recognised / seen there... has anyone here ever had awkward bump into anyone at a party like this?

This is the set if anybody also wants a free ticket!

If you are thinking about using your ticket, get yourself on the app as there are chat groups set up before each party so attendees can chat and get to know each other. There is usually a meet in a bar beforehand as well so those who are alone can go in with others.

I would recommed Feeld, Fab has to many charecters on shall we say.

Honestly we've had our best luck with clubs. Especially those with a strong social side.

Highly recommend The townhouse in Liverpool which isn't a million miles from you. They have a huge variety of events so easy to find something that suits

Hi

for fabswingera no need to do face pics. We kept to body pics only.

if you get to point of wanting to meet then you can either have a coffee or just email a face pic only. Ie nothing showing but face.

do t be pressured into sending face pics. And certainly never send nudes with face pic