Sex toys | Mumsnet

User1412 · 2022-01-23T22:21:39+00:00

So this is really embarrassing here goes. My husband likes me to use sex toys on him which tbh I hate. One night he asked me to talk dirty while we were in the midst of foreplay and so I mentioned a transsexual was going to join us and he was really in to it. I said that as he’s always said he’s not gay, bisexual or interested in transsexuals. The following day he said he didn’t say anything and wasn’t interested in transsexual s. What the hell am I supposed to think now?

Rieslinger · 04/03/2022 09:59

Sometimes very private things take time in the best of marriages to surface, it's about trusting that the person closest to you won't judge you and you feel confident to share it.

Within a loving and secure relationship fantasy can be just that. They don't have to go anywhere. If you can keep an open mind and talk, talk, talk then it may be you'll get a much better outcome than you realise.

Good luck

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 04/03/2022 10:40

Why did you say a transsexual was joining you?

Danceswithwhippets · 04/03/2022 11:47

You don’t say much about why you feel the way you do.

What toys does he ask you to use on him, and why do you think you don't like it?

Does he use toys on you, is it at your request, and do you enjoy it or only tolerate it?

When you talked about bringing in a transsexual, did you say it was a woman (ie had been a man) or the other way around, and did that make a difference? Did you mean a woman (ie formerly a man) or the other way around? What @Rieslinger says is good advice -also, much of the time fantasy is best only as fantasy and enjoyed as such.

Namechanged1010 · 04/03/2022 12:25

@Rieslinger

Sometimes very private things take time in the best of marriages to surface, it's about trusting that the person closest to you won't judge you and you feel confident to share it.

Within a loving and secure relationship fantasy can be just that. They don't have to go anywhere. If you can keep an open mind and talk, talk, talk then it may be you'll get a much better outcome than you realise.

Good luck

This is good advice. I didn't know that my DH really wanted to try using toys in bed. He gradually introduced them and I didn't object when I knew he found it really arousing but then he developed into using them and talking gradually more dirty and using fantasy. His favourite being me being taken by another man whilst I sucked him. It is a fantasy and we haven't taken it anywhere but he loves acting it out using toys and I enjoy playing along and seeing how excited it makes him

PinotPony · 04/03/2022 13:08

Lots to unpick here...

Firstly, if you hate using sex toys on him, don't do it. Forcing yourself to do something sexual is never a good idea. You'll just end up resentful.

Secondly, did you mention the transsexual as a means to better understand your partner's sexuality? It sounds like you have an existing insecurity there. If he says he's not interested in men, then I think you have to take him at his word. What makes you think otherwise? Are the toys he likes you to use butt toys? Is that the issue?

Bear in mind that lots of things said in the heat of the moment are utter nonsense. I once randomly said something about wanting to watch DP suck cock and how I bet he'd love to do that because he's a filthy little beast. (I was channeling my inner Domme!) He agreed and seemed to be getting off on it the more I talked. When we discussed it later, and I asked him if he was bi-curious, he was like "Oh god no, I don't want to do that at all. But you seemed to be enjoying the idea PinotPony so I was just going with it!" 😂

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 04/03/2022 14:37

@PinotPony

Lots to unpick here...

Firstly, if you hate using sex toys on him, don't do it. Forcing yourself to do something sexual is never a good idea. You'll just end up resentful.

Secondly, did you mention the transsexual as a means to better understand your partner's sexuality? It sounds like you have an existing insecurity there. If he says he's not interested in men, then I think you have to take him at his word. What makes you think otherwise? Are the toys he likes you to use butt toys? Is that the issue?

Bear in mind that lots of things said in the heat of the moment are utter nonsense. I once randomly said something about wanting to watch DP suck cock and how I bet he'd love to do that because he's a filthy little beast. (I was channeling my inner Domme!) He agreed and seemed to be getting off on it the more I talked. When we discussed it later, and I asked him if he was bi-curious, he was like "Oh god no, I don't want to do that at all. But you seemed to be enjoying the idea PinotPony so I was just going with it!" 😂

This is basically what I meant with my very direct-sounding question! 😆