Hey, I was raped just going onto 3 years ago now, it was my first time. Since then I’ve noticed I’m unbelievably sexually active and I can’t find myself feeling satisfied during sex without the feeling of helplessness as I did during that time. In the past I’ve asked my partners if they could be abusive during sex (with their consent), I can’t seem to shake it. I’m unsure of what to do, I want a normal sex life but I can’t feel fulfilled unless I feel the pain. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.