Sex post-child birth

[Mummysarah12]

Hi mums
I have a 1 year old & it was a pretty traumatic birth & had an episiotomy.
It took about 6 months to feel like sex again & since then, my partner & I have sex about once a month. My partner said to me recently he feels like he never has sex anymore & wants much more. But I am happy with what we have & I just don’t feel I have energy for it.Our little one is up in the night a fair bit & I went back to work about a month ago so I just feel exhausted most of the time!
What do others think is reasonable in terms of frequency of sex post-childbirth? I’m worried this is becoming a big problem as he is constantly asking for it...

Once a week.

Although I want to be clear it doesn’t happen that often here either but I do feel that’s what would be fair in our scenario.

Hi OP

I think the question should be "what is reasonable based on

1. how you're feeling physically and mentally
2. the division of labour when it comes to your child
3. Whether YOU are unhappy with the current frequency"

I too had an episiotomy and it took around 2 months to get to a place where I was confident enough to try, since then it's weekly in varying amounts and in line with our pre baby life.

That said, everyone is different and having a newborn is exhausting. If you're doing everything baby related, taking care of the home, and working, it's no wonder that it isn't top of your list. If it's just that you're not into it anymore then that's a different story. What was it like before you had your baby? Does your partner help out around the house?

I think having a conversation to align what your currently feeling with your partners wishes might be a good idea. Not that you have to explain yourself to him, but he genuinely may not comprehend that it takes time to bounce back and the strain of a young baby isn't conducive to hopping into bed every 5 minutes (for anything other than catching up on zzzzzzz)

My ex partner and I hardly had any sex after having a baby because like you I was so exhausted with everything.. He wanted it without taking any time to make me feel sexy or relaxed enough to have it. He wasn't affectionate unless we were having sex but I didn't want sex unless he was affectionate..

If you would like to have more sex and crucially be in the mood for it then tell him the kind of things that would help you be more open to it.. Maybe date nights, him giving you more time away from the baby so you can feel yourself again, doing things together that bring you closer as a couple...

If he's asking for it then at least you are talking about it.... Tackle the problem together and work out what you can BOTH do to bring that spark back.

You really have to work on these things especially when you have a baby... And sex isn't the most important thing but it is a big part of most relationships and you don't want to let a problem like this fester and push you and him apart

I've been there... Now we are divorced 😢😂 don't make my mistake!