@ravenmum
She has always struggled with orgasm and is happy with our sex life and doesn't feel there is a problem. She's just not a sexual person.
I'll take even the comments about "her technique being bad" at face value and assume that this is exactly what she would tell me if I asked her. But even assuming that, I'll be very honest and say that maybe if she had had a different partner or partners, her experience would have been very different, and she would indeed be a sexual person.
If that is the case, it is not your "fault", that is just how it is. With my exh, as I say, it was enjoyable but very, very vanilla. Neither of us was experienced when we met. My current bf opened my eyes - showing me, for example, that there is not a finite number of sex positions that you can find out about by reading a book or whatever :) but that you can do it in any position you can physically achieve. That would not have been possible with my exh, as he did no foreplay, so anything other than vanilla was relatively uncomfortable. That's not his "fault"; being inexperienced, neither of us knew how to make it better. And after a few years, a sudden change seems weird and hard to bring about.
Good for your wife if she is being as positive as she can about it, because she doesn't want to whinge or believes that this is the best she can get. But that does not mean that she will never be a sexual, fun, playful person. Just that you probably won't be there to see it.
But I'm the one always trying to improve things, more foreplay, different techniques, asking what she'd like, what can I do differently, different positions, trying to make it as adventurous as possible.
If you're met with little feedback, and responses of 'it all feels nice', in a passive, unenthusiastic manner, where she never asks for a different position, never takes control, never asks me to go faster, slower, harder, softer, never clamps her legs around me to draw me closer, never talks dirty (whatsoever) and generally behaves in a totally repressed, going through the motions manner, just happy to plod along with whatever comes her way - no lust, no passion, no spark, no hunger, desire, longing or urgency, and says that this is how she is and always has been and is perfectly happy with it.....
.... at that point, I struggle to see the fun, playful person with someone else. Given she is a shy, introverted and quiet individual who doesn't like going out, doesn't ever drink etc, etc.
But hey, I'm a man on a predominantly female forum, so I appreciate that effectively stating my DW is terrible in bed is not going to get the same empathetic and supportive responses as if the genders where reversed, as that would bring the usual responses of "life's too short for carp sex', or I couldn't put up with that' or 'LTB' etc.