"Friends with benefits"

[Ruth23]

I've recently came out of a toxic relationship. I've decided to join tinder (a no strings sex app), A lot of people are wanting relationships but majority of the men i meet are wanting harmless sex, Ladies who have been in similar situations or have bee with people they've simply just fucked with no feelings being involved can i have you're honest opinions. Any opinions wanted as i'm in two minds!

I honestly don't think most women are built for this sort of sex. I think occasionally it's fine and useful but if you've been in a toxic relationship, then you need to be alone for a while.

I think in a Friends With Benefits arrangement you need to give very careful consideration to what you need from the "friend" part of the equation. No strings sex is fine if that's what you are after but it should still come with respect, honesty and consideration which is what I mean by the friends bit. I think this is especially important for someone still recovering from an abusive relationship as you will be vulnerable whilst you repair your self-esteem and confidence. I'm sure there are bound to be some decent men on Tinder but it does have a reputation for being a bit of a meat market so you need to be aware that a lot of men will tell you what they think you want to hear but they may be quite different to the person they portray themselves as.

Thank you so much Ladies, Definitely taking the advice on board! x

My daughter is in a two year old relationship that began on Tinder. It is a dating app, not a FWB app, although some use it for those purposes.

Use it, and be as wary of people and who they claim to be as you should be and you should have a safe, fun time.

Oh it all sounds great, but is it really? What about sexual health considerations.....and I don’t just mean condoms! Have a break from it all and meet someone new, building a proper relationship.

@Christian77 How do you suggest i meet new people? Always have an open mind when it comes to making new friends and relationships! x

@xpc316e A lot of people on tinder are looking for long term relationship and it's great for dating aswell! But i don't think i'm looking for a relationship this soon on!

Tinder is tacky and smacks of desperation. You have had a hard time and should enjoy your freedom for a while, getting out and about, doing things, days out, exercising, walking, going to the cinema etc, rather than meeting random health risks from Tinder Land. Getting fit is great for building your confidence, you will start feeling great and look good within yourself. Do a few spa dats, be good to yourself, eat well. You sound lovely and just need somygood to happen. Don’t chase it, you’re not defined by a relationship with a man. You need you time right now. I wish you well!

Tinder is not desperate, it's just another way to meet people. Everyone uses it. If you want to meet someone, it's the quickest and most convenient.

I think it smacks of desperation, so we’ll have to disagree on that. There are better, more natural ways of meeting people. I’m sure there are lovely folk on tinder, I just couldn’t face sifting through the undesirables to find them.

@Christian77 "Natural ways" - like how? Anything can seem desperate. Back in the day we used to go clubbing and that was seen as a desperate way to cop off with someone too. Tinder, and OLD in general is how a lot of dating happens. Are you be any chance couple up? Over 30? I have been in bars and seen people swiping, showing their friends profiles, etc. It's how things are. I suppose all those people are desperate in your eyes.

I think the best kind of sex is when you have a deep connection (pardon the pun) with the person. I can't imagine meeting some just to rub our bits together and then go home lol

I couldn’t agree more. You need to get to know someone before going further. Establishing that sexual health is good is key, as having sex with someone, thinking about what you can and can’t do, what STD they may or may not have, is a massive, frustrating disappointment.
For this reason, casual sex or ONSs have never been on my agenda.
Each to their own though.

I don't think Tinder is tacky. I know a man who met a lovely woman on there. They're getting married soon! They've dated for a year and both went on Tinder looking for a serious relationship.

Tinder isn't 'tacky'. All sorts of people use it for all sorts of things.

I used it for casual dating and hoping to find a relationship.

Dh actually was using it for sex/and to stalk his ex lol.

We matched, realised we had lots of mutual friends. He was working on a house a few doors down from me, it was all very strange......now we are married and I've just had a baby.

Meeting someone online is much safer than going home with someone from a bar.