New user name says it all

[soicoulshaveherpes]

I've name changed.

I am beyond pissed off. Mostly with myself.

Background. I'm in my 40s. Married over 20 years. STBX was my only partner. Yes. Really.

Now separated.

Joined dating site.

Had fun sexting/texting with a guy and we met up twice. All seemed to check out.

At second date, things got rather heated. No penetrative sex but oral - him to me, iyswim. And some rough finger action.

Three days later, red sores on one side of labia. Also tired, feel like I have a cold. 5 days later (today) painful urination. Dr. Google says that's all in line for herpes.

I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning.

But my real question is do I ask him first if he's positive? Massively awkward but I'll hitch up my big girl pants and do it. Or wait until after I see the doctor?

And as an aside, I feel like the biggest idiot ever. My one time with someone else. One. And this. And I'm upset beyond belief.

I think I'd wait and see a gp first. Did he have any obvious cold sores?

No. Nothing obvious. That would have stopped the show before it got started.

I did wind up asking him - I don't think anything could be more embarrassing than that ever. He says no.

Did more reading. Could be opportune yeast infection from rough finger play.

I don't think I'm ever taking my pants off again.

That is seriously strange!

If I recall, it is the fluid which makes cold sores infectious. And if you didn't even see a sore, what gives?

Got to be a yeast thing, surely?

Yeast will have a thick white discharge usually. Could be Starts of it. Could try an over the counter tablet if it is that I find it starts to work within hours. Could just be the roughness you can get a gel called multi gyn gel from boots which helps soothe

Well. It's herpes. Most likely HSV-1 (cold sores) which can be spread to genitalia. If you've never had a cold sore (that'd be me) you're more prone.

The carrier may not even realize they're positive which I think is the case here.

I am trying really hard not to cry because I'm afraid if I start, I may not stop. Mostly because the only partner I've ever had until now was my STBX. I just wanted to have a little "safe" adult fun. I now know there really is no such thing.

Here's a blurb from New Zealand:

Fact: Herpes is very common and may be caused by both herpes simplex type 1 and herpes simplex type 2 (HSV-1 or HSV-2). HSV-1 causes "cold sores" on the mouth, and up to 80% of the population has this virus. However, HSV-1 may also be transmitted to the genitals through oral/genital sex and about 40% of genital herpes is caused by HSV-1. Up to 22% of sexually active adults have genital herpes caused by HSV-2. Most people with herpes will not have symptoms and therefore will not be aware they have it. 50% of people getting herpes get it from partners who are unaware they have it.

I should add that in addition to having sores on my genitals, I also have one on my nipple and my
mouth.

So I'm a bundle of joy right now.

Try not to feel too disheartened about it. HSV-1 is extremely common - I have had it all my life and spend a fortune on concealer (I get cold sores every month just after my period ).

I hope you feel better soon

Lysine is your friend. Its no exaggeration to say it's changed my life from frequent and regular cold sores to... one. Which was milder in severity and duration. Seriously, look at lysine rich foods, avoid those high in arganine (which fuels the virus) and take a lysine supplement.

Im so sorry this happened and know how utterly shit they make you feel. Be gentle with yourself.

Thanks for the lysine tip. I'll certainly look into that. And avoiding foods with the other compound.

I think if it were just a cold sore, I'd be able to shake it off a bit easier. It's the fact that it's all over my genitals and I had a look at the underside of my breast and I nearly lost it. There's another lesion that hasn't fully formed on my other breast and I'm sure that'll erupt. I dread going to the bathroom. And what's on my lips is just icky and there's no disguising it. It's full in the middle of my top lip and my bottom lip. I am something to behold.

On the bright side (because if I didn't look for a bright side I don't know what I'd do), I'm on meds which should fully kick in by tomorrow night. I'm getting a full STD panel because I feel I should - I would have done this eventually but hey!- she was down there swabbing already. I've got great health insurance (American) so I only had to pay $10 for the meds. When they weighed me I discovered I'd lost 9lbs! I have the cleanest hands on the street. And the guy is still texting.

I'm still trying to figure out what this all means for my nascent sex life (not now, obviously). I know nada if I have active lesions. But the whole viral shedding thing is confusing. Ah well. A bridge to cross another day.

First outbreak will be by far your worst one.

Its herpes... loads and loads of people have it (some dont even know). Its not a big deal. Dont be too hard on yourself.

I have HSV1 genitally and I haven't had a break out for years. I get aciclovir on prescription and take it if I start a new relationship until I am sure of their status (so far every man has been a carrier of HSV1 too) it's really not a big deal at all. It sounds like you're having a nasty first attack but hopefully it will settle down soon. It sucks but 50-75% of the adult population carry it some without knowing so everyone has a high chance of getting it. Look on the bright side too you won't get HSV2 now which is worse!

💐