To keep pushing or to let go - GCSE

[Revitalift]

DC is not naturally academic; he is in year 11 and has a tutor for two subjects, one is maths which he struggles with.

I keep reminding of the homework and daily practice which sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t. I booked a few extra sessions for the holidays but he complains he doesn’t have a free day. They have plenty of time lying in, etc.

I honestly don’t know if I should keep encouraging him or just let them be; hope for the best and get alternatives plans if they don’t get the results they need.

Just to add that he does engage with tutors and work well with them and I can see a smile of satisfaction when they get things done or do well after the session. He just doesn’t have self discipline or self motivation at the moment.

When doing work with him I do body doubling.

Just to add that I will be delighted if he gets a 4 in maths. He is doing ok in the other subjects

OP, this is the million dollar question. I think the best person to answer it is probably DS. What would help him?

My own approach is to let DD be in charge of it herself. I am available to help and have only just been required in Year 10 maths but I do occasionally ask what level of homework she has and when she might do it. She is pretty studious, as was DSD1. DSS was more like your boy, I suspect, although there were no tutors involved.

After DH trying to provide assistance it was agreed that he would desist and wait to be asked. This made everyone's life better. His results were surprisingly alright. He didn't revise at home for GCSEs but must have done enough at school to get through, and did much better than expected, if we're honest. We were braced for retakes. He worked full time for a year before managing to get an apprenticeship and is now qualified.In our case, all that would have happened if we'd done anything differently is that he, and we, would have been miserable and in conflict. Home should be a nice place to be, I think.

I do a job where I have to do some work from home after hours. I'm fairly motivated but I don't always feel like doing it, sometimes I leave it to the last minute. However, if anyone I lived with asked me when I was planning to do it or suggest I should do it instead of having a lie in/doing sport/seeing friends, it would be intolerable.

Talk to DS and agree what support he would like from you, and do that. What does he fancy doing next year? What GCSEs does he need for that? We were very clear with all our kids that their education was theirs. DH and I have got GCSEs already. It wasn't about us. We took them out to celebrate at the end of the exams not when they got the results. We praised effort and other things. They are in school all day with teachers suggesting these results are life changing. I think coming home to the same pressure would be really difficult, especially if you are not especially academic.

It is really important to keep friendships, sport and fun going during exam years. Sitting in your bedroom staring at the same piece of paper to appease a stressed or potentially disappointed parent is a poor use of youth. I think you learn more in small chunks and he is already doing tutoring. Trust him and help him if he asks. Make sure he eats well, gets some sleep, has some fun and sees himself as good enough and you've done a cracking job as GCSE support crew.

The only GCSEs that will really matter long-term are English language and mathematics. If he is currently on a 3 in maths, I would keep pushing. I wouldn't push other subjects. If the second tutored subject isn't English, I would drop that one / cancel the tutor and instead have two tutoring sessions for maths.

Thank you. He is on a 2 in maths. The second subject is English but he was getting a 4 with no effort in English Language.

Agree it must be extremely annoying having someone on top of you often. I remind them one or twice but If they are not up to it I don’t force it. I know it won’t work

We took the approach of leaving in to him until year 10 and just asked if he needed help with anything; things started going downhill and he was fallen behind on a big project; we were called by the school.

Things are better now but maths is a worry as he isn’t doing enough work.

I will speak with him about Sixth form options.

I’d keep pushing on the maths. It’s impossible to do anything without a 4 in maths these days and he won’t want to be retaking.

Is he going functional maths? How many is he doing overall?

for DD it’s like she suddenly understood that she needs to take ownership of her education and her future but we had a rocky road to get there. She’s gone from being predicted 4-6’s to 7-9’s. She has also dropped a couple of subjects and is really focussing on the ones that she is good at and enjoys.

Thank you. Will keep pushing 🙏

He also dropped a couple of subjects. I hope he realises of the importance of getting those passes and start taking more ownership.

He is doing GCSE maths

I meant is he doing the higher or the lower paper? I think they call the lower functional maths but perhaps not!

Foundation maths. Last mock was a 2 so long way to start doing higher maths.

Ok. I had a friend whose dd went from failing to a 5 by swapping to foundation because she understood it so much better. That was at around this time in year 11 so your son has got the time if he really buckles down. Is it worth trying a different tutor? My dd suddenly got maths when she moved school and the new teacher seemed to understand how to explain things to her

Thank you.

Tutor said he picks up things easily but sometimes forget them as he isn’t practicing enough; also he said he makes silly mistakes on the homework, perhaps because he is rushing it or not concentrating; but when he is with the tutor he seems to know them/work better. He said there is a lot to cover and he is finding gaps in knowledge.

I think he is capable but need to commit to it. He doesn’t have the self motivation or maturity at the moment and can’t see the bigger picture. He has all the resources and help for the tutor.

Tricky - I don’t know how you get them to ‘get it’. Does he understand that if he fails maths he will have to resit it? Have you tried any of the online resources - DD finds them really useful. Cognito is for one subject but I don’t know which. I’ll ask her what she uses for maths

On the positive side - at least you know it isn’t an ability issue!!

One thing you and he need to be very clear on is what grades he needs for different next steps for y12, and he needs to have applications in / plan for
a) his preferred option
b) an option for if he gets his currently predicted grades
c) an option for if he drops lower than predicted grades

Which in this case is likely to be (A levels possibly???), a Level 3 course, a Level 2 course.

Going from a 2 to a 4 in maths is a big step because 3 is quite a wide grade boundary, but even getting a 2 to a 3 may open up some Level 2 courses that may otherwise be closed to him.

She uses maths genie and first class maths

Is he a summer born?

like others have said, I’d keep pushing with the maths. My daughter needed/responded well to an awards based approach when she was younger. I would reward time spent practicing or revising (not the grade achieved). She also liked apps like study bunny where she could track her time spent on a subject. Oh and final thing, she learned loads of maths from maths genie. She particularly liked short videos that worked through examples. She was a very unmotivated GCSE kid (did have undiagnosed ADHD) but found various things that worked for her and went from average in maths to now doing it at uni. Your son sounds capable but unmotivated like my DD. Find what motivates him even if it’s short term and only works some of the time. Maths is all about practice.

I've posted this on a couple of similar threads but the percentage of young people who pass maths GCSE on a re-take is shockingly low. It was 15% last summer.

Stats here: https://schoolsweek.co.uk/gcse-resits-2026-english-and-maths-pass-rates-fall-as-entries-surge/

I have known several young people stuck in the awful doom loop of failing maths GCSE retakes up to 5 times and never getting above a 3. If I were you, I would throw everything at trying to help him pass maths and English. As others have pointed out, 4s in both subjects opens so many more post-16 doors.

Also, depending on where your DC ends up, they could be looking at maybe 1 hour of maths support a week in a class with unmotivated students which obviously isn't going to help the pass rates.

My DS was on track for a 3 in Maths and he ended up on a 5 last summer. He really put the work in though as he was motivated.

Does your DC have any idea what they want to do post-16? That obviously helps. A friend of mine had an unmotivated DC who was looking at a 3 in Maths. They found a post-16 course they really wanted to do that needed a 4 and that did the job. (He did get his 4.)

Ultimately though as parents we can only do so much. It may be that he comes back to GCSEs at some point in the future. It's sensible of you to be helping him think of Plan A, B and C for results day.

I think keep going for maths and English because he will need them. The rest of them he should just do as well as he can.
Does he know what he wants to do next year? Just might give some motivation if he has a college course in mind with minimum gcse requirements

Unlike many people here, I would be inclined to just let it go. What percentage of students get below a Grade 4 in GCSE maths at your DS's school? The national fail rate is around 28%, showing how easily kids can fall behind. While GCSE Maths is fairly straightforward (far less challenging than the 11+!), it becomes a steep hill to climb when 'leaving it to him until Year 10' leaves you with less than a year to turn a Grade 2 into a 4. Getting a tutor is fine, but piling on pressure over results might backfire, risking both his mental health and your relationship with him.

He is doing 2 hours 2 days per week with maths tutor. I also signed him for mathmo recently. One hour intervention at his school per week.

Maths resits at his school are high; lots of people have fallen behind.

He is not staying at his current school and was looking at Sixth Form options, including A levels a few weeks ago.

Motivation comes and goes.

I am trying to keep balance between supporting/ encourage him and let him be. I can’t be harassing him all the time. I do make sure he attends the tutoring though.

It is a tough one. I don’t think he realises how much work is involved in maths.

I will open a bottle of champagne if he gets a 4. It is often on my mind.

If it is something he wants he really works for it. Like getting into his current school which is selective but not on the academic sense.

Try maths genie

i guess his peer group isn’t helping if they are struggling too

i understand how you are feeling though - it is very frustrating when you can see where they are going wrong but they just don’t listen!!

I do agree with this about risking the relationship and his mental health. That is why I am careful of not pushing too much. I remind him, sit with him if he is up for it but don’t force it.

Does he know what he wants to do after GCSEs? You mention a levels, do his subjects choices require a 4 / 5 in Maths? Perhaps letting him see what he needs to get to the next stage will help motivate him. At the end of the day you are providing the opportunities (which is great) but he has to want it and be prepared to work for it.