Emanuel open day gave our twins very different impressions of the school

[fourthontheway]

This is going to be a long one…

Hi folks. Just need a few external opinions on this. DH, myself and our twin girls went to Emanuel open day yesterday, but we unfortunately got split up because I am 3 mos pregnant and have astonishing morning sickness. DH and twin 1 (I will go crazy if I keep saying twin 1 and twin 2, I think I’ll have to use fake names…) were toured by some year 8s, a boy and a girl, neither of which seemed interested or engaged, and on open days we always think about whether we’d like our kids to turn out like that. Myself and my other daughter were toured by a sweet, bubbly year 10 girl. She was aware I wasn’t feeling amazing and took the tour much slower, was very mindful, talked to my daughter incredibly nicely. To the point I knew it wasn’t something you could put on. She interacted really well with the teachers, she was told several times in the different subject rooms that the dept wished she was taking their subject for GCSE. The teachers and the students seemed to have an incredible relationship. The girl answered all my questions honestly, but you could tell she really loved it. She was quite similar to my daughter - not particularly ‘alpha’ or ‘popular,’ rold us she was not very sporty, but did lots of creatives. Got the impression from her teachers she was very academic. That is exactly what I want my daughters to be like (I know this may be taken the wrong way - I do not care how good results my daughters get, but I mean rhis girl and my kids all seemed academic in the sense of can think about things from all viewpoints, answers are well-thought through. I think we were just incredibly well matched - when I had a question about learning support/SEN rhis girl had engaged with it, and shared her experience. Emanuel doesn’t have the greatest rep for SEN and she acknowledged that but also said that they’d been amazing for her, quick to sort access arrangements in class or exams, apparently they recently got a new SENCo last year who is amazing - if anyone on this thread has anything to say about SEN or indeed anything else at Emanuel do tell.

Onto our issue. The daughter I was with (fake name - Alice) absolutely loved the school, came home raving about how cool the music, the drama, the art, etc were, how much she wanted to go there. Kept talking about how kind our guide and the teachers were. DH and my other daughter - fake name Flo - came home and really weren’t interested. I explained my experience to DH and he thought we just got lucky. I think in part we were incredibly lucky, but I truly think that definitely Alice would really enjoy it there. Alice kept talking her face off abour how much she loved it, and Flo was able to see both sides - she didn’t like the people touring her but she thought the teachers were lovely and the subjects seem great. Anyone have any advice/opinions? Of course they haven’t even taken the test yet but both are academic and I think are pretty like to get in. DH is reluctant for them to try out at all after yesterday because he really doesn’t want our girls to be like that.

In the nicest possible way, your girls will not turn out to be like random students who showed them round a school.

Alice won't automatically be a cheerful, academic, delightful 15 year old, and Flo won't necessarily be a sullen 13 yo boy who didn't want to take parents round the school.

Focusing on the personality of the tour guides was odd, to be honest. It's pretty irrelevant.

I think your idea of what makes someone academic isn’t quite right. Equally wanting any child to turn out a certain way is something you should avoid

I think you really have to know what makes your child tick
Not what you think makes your child tick.
Then look out for those things when going round a school,

Also I think you needed to listen to what this girl actually said. Some of which you have not acknowledged might be a problem.

Am I missing something? If Alice likes it, she applies goes if offered a place. If Flo doesn’t like it, she doesn’t apply and goes somewhere else.

I think the key thing to remember is that both children are individuals. I grew up with twins and their parents sent them to different secondary schools because the schools suited each child.

That said I wouldn’t base the decision either way on the children who showed you around.

My son went there and was extremely happy and did well.

I have no idea where Emmanuel School is or whether it's very good. However, it may be a perfect match for Alice and a terrible match for Flo.

You said they need to take a test, therefore neither of them might get in or one or both. Keep looking and you must be prepared for them to be split up.

I think you are thinking way too much about this at this stage. Wait until you have an offer to spend time debating which school is best for your dc. We applied to the schools that we liked and did not think too deeply about it until after we got offers. You have a few weeks to decide. I will say don't make decisions on people that give you the tour. There will always be someone amazing in a year group and perhaps some that aren't able to give tours so well or might just have an off day etc. Think about the teachers, clubs and facilities (on top of the academics).

It can be tempting to read too much into the kids that show you around at these things, but they are just individual members of the school, who may be having good days or bad days. They’re really not an indication of how your own kids would turn out there.

But I don’t really understand the angst - presumably your twins apply, you see if either or both get in, then you work with them to make decisions. They don’t have to go to the same secondary school surely, so it’s ok if they disagree.

Im so sorry - I feel like I haven’t been clear enough. I am fully aware that my 10 year olds are probably not going to be anything like random teenagers being forced to give up their Saturdays to show parents sround a school. I was mainly wondering if anyone knows anything else about Emanuel because myself and DH have such conflicting opinions. He doesn’t want them to take the test in the first place, and I am questioning how to convince him that they should. IMO there is nothing to lose from doing the test, if they get in then we can have the conversation of do we want them to go, do they want to go, etc.

Apply to the school, see if you get offers and do go back to holders open days.
Check GCSEs subjects, not all private schools have the same subjects or tailor only for top sets.
Open days, the focus not just on tour guides only but also the teachers you met in the different subjects, clubs covering wide range of interests and types of sports.
The other twin and DH, which schools did they prefer?
Maybe the twins should go to schools that suit them and that may not be the same ones.

Maybe your twin that loves it can sit the test for it. The other twin can sit other schools tests. No need to place them in the same school.

without the girls book a private tour for you and your dh.
and if it's still a contender maybe plan on you and the reluctant twin going (since the one twin is onboard).
do both girls have to go to the same school?

Girls are desperate to go to same school but know it might not be possible. Both girls love sound of school. DH is not eager for thrm to sit test but they are doing it. He wants them to go to a school a bit closer (15 vs 30 minutes)

It's so competitive, I'd worry about getting a place first of all. Although maybe things are calming down with the birth bulge easing off by the time yours take the test. It's probably not quite so bad now as five years ago when it was very competitive.

Also, you can be really influenced by who shows you around. We thought it was a good school but a bit showy and very much a cookie cutter school. I remember the huge bouquets of flowers on the stage at the open day we went to and I couldn't help but feel concerned at just how much they cost and how much parents were paying to put on the spectacle to pay for new parents to buy into the equally lavish displays... like an ever enticing circle of luxury... not sure it keeps you in touch with the real world much of the time. That's been our experience of private school. Would we do it again? Maybe but not sure it's value for money, especially with VAT now.

I’d just say I think it would be rare for a Y8 student to have the confidence, nous and articulacy of a Y10 student. So I wouldn’t put any stock in that.

I agree with a PP. Have another look around without the girls.

sounds like it’s only the first school they have seen as well. You have ages before tests happen. Go and see more schools to compare. Go to the next open day too.