Starting secondary - turning down waiting list - regret

[Zara445]

I have had my daughter on a waiting list for a school close by, which performs well (will call this school B). However, she started last week at school A, which is the feeder school from her primary, all her friends have gone to school A, and she has done lots of transition days there.

After her second day, I got a call to say she was offered a place at School B (after being on the waiting list), I was thrilled, as School B is a better school and closer to home, plus lots of kids nearby also get a school bus. However, she got really upset and said she has settled now into School A. It is not a great school, however, my daughter is painfully shy and quiet and does not want to be separated from her friends.

She did not perform very well in her SATs, so I've booked her into english and maths tuition starting this week to really help her. However, I'm really concerned about the school that she's now in, as it does not perform well in league tables.

However, with her personality, I am also very reluctant to put her in a completely new school. I've already turned school B down now as I had to let them know on Friday - so I don't know what I'm achieving in writing this post.

I guess I'm just looking to see if any other parents have any insights or experience. I'm genuinely gutted I had to turn down the school we wanted, but I'm trying to honour my daughter's wishes. Part of me wants to ring School B and say we've changed our mind - but I know that the place would have already been allocated now.

I’m sure she will be fine, if you support her she will do her best and that’s what it is. Better to be happy at school than miserable. And the overall performance of a school never tells the full story.

Agree that you can never tell the full story from the league tables.

If she is comfortable with her DFriends then that’s important for now. I’d look to see what her grades are like on a few months, what the discipline is like and how nurturing the School is.

You can always look at moving her if she’s unhappy further down the line.

It’s one of those “fork in the road” decisions, you’ll never know what would have happened if she took the other route.

What I’d say is: your dd will remember the fact that you respected her preference. That is the kind of thing that hopefully will build her self-esteem and self-confidence.

The most important thing is you don’t dwell on it - she will make a go of it in school A and hopefully never look back.

If she was unhappy in a ‘better’ school, it’s likely her performance and self-confidence would suffer. I personally think you’ve done the right thing: she’s more likely to succeed in a school where she’s happy and secure with good friendships.

I was in this position with DD2 a few years ago. Ultimately we didn't take the new school as DD2 was happy and she was a week into Year 7 so was settling in. No regrets from her 3 years later.

Regardless of what you do, you'll always go "what if?". But as @WavyDaizy says, it's important to stick to whatever decision you make it and not look back.