Should we take DC to visit a secondary school we will not choose?

[RedOrangeYellowGreenBlueIndigo]

Can't believe how quickly this has come around, but we are already choosing secondary schools!

We, as parents, have researched the schools in our area and shortlisted 4 schools (out of a possible 8) which are reasonable distance and fit for our family (we have made sure to include our closest non-faith school, an undersubscribed school and the other 2 are oversubscribed). These are the schools we are going to take DC to visit.

DC has asked to visit school 'X' because apparently the whole of year 6 are going (I don't know how true that claim is). This is not on our shortlist and we will never apply for it so I personally don't see the point in visiting. We have mentioned we are not going to apply for school 'X' because DC doesn't really stand a chance of getting a place (no siblings, not of that religion), but DC seems upset about it and says that it's not fair that everyone gets to go and see it and they don't.

How to handle this? Should we be firm about it and say no? Should we go and see it? The only real downside I can see is that it is a waste of everyone's time.

Do you have substantive reasons beyond the unlikelihood of getting a place at X?

It almost goes without saying that children always have a skewed idea of what ‘everyone else’ is doing - and it’s irrelevant anyway, as they invariably make new friends at the new place. Still, if you don’t have anything concrete against it, why not just humour them and visit. They may then see for themselves that it isn’t a viable option for the reasons you’ve given.

I went to see one school with DD at her insistence, despite thinking it wasn’t the right fit. It wasn’t. She admitted she just fancied a morning off school!

It sounds like it’s more just a bit of a jaunt so if you have the time and they want to do it then why not?

You may as well go. It can be difficult to judge schools based on a visit, especially for the y6er. If they have more schools to compare, it will help them see the benefits of the one they end up going to.

I wouldn't go. I would explain lots are going to see it but probably most won't get places there. There's a popular school near us that some parents viewed and fell in love with but live way too far out of the tight catchment. I don't see the point in potentially liking it and being disappointed. Personally I'd save your energy for the contenders and leave the open day spaces for others. (Here the open days 'sell out', so jist going for a jaunt seems a bit unfair.)

We knew exactly where my DC was going (siblings) but they wanted to visit other schools. We visited the schools including the one they would get in to.

It wasn’t much effort and kept DC much more engaged and happier with what was going to be a stressful transition.

If you can do it why not do it?

Go and see the school. If it's important to your child you should let her have some involvement in the process.

If you're very unlikely to get a place then you still have your 4 choices but she will feel that she has had some input. Hopefully she will prefer the other schools.

We visited a religious school that DC had no real chance of getting into, they knew this but wanted to have a look around anyway.

It wasn't really any trouble and quite interesting to get a feel of the scool.

Are the other year 6s in his class likely to get in? Are they more likely to fit the criteria?

If they all have a slim chance but it’s a decent school I’d look and put it down.

How many choices are you able to list? If you’re able to include it in the list (for example in my area we can put up to 6 choices) there’s no harm in considering it. Also, you might find that when you visit you don’t like one of the four (in particular, if it’s one of the two oversubscribed schools), so having another option isn’t a bad idea.

We visited every school in the area during the selection process, even the ones we weren’t keen on. I found it really helpful to be aware of all the options. Personally I think it’s helpful for the child to be involved in the selection process, visit all possible options and to help decide.

It sounds like she just want to check it out? My DS liked to keep in contact with friends that went to different schools in the early years of secondary and chat about their different schools so having at least seen it once was handy.

If you are not going to apply there is no point in going to an open day. At best it is a waste of time. At worst your DC will love it, but will be unable to go. If friends are likely to go to this school or they like it attending the open day will simply reinforce any false hopes they have of attending themselves. If you think you might apply attending would obviously be helpful in informing your decision.

We are in a similar situation where my DC will almost certainly be going to a different school to her classmates (catchment primary to catchment secondary). Getting ready for secondary is a big deal in Y6 and so we are happy to take her along to open days/ school arranged familiarisation activities etc at the catchment school throughout the year so she doesn't feel like the odd one out. Also you never know how things can pan out and for us it's not impossible she'll end up there, so no harm in going along.

We went to our nearest secondary even though DS was never going to go there. It gave us a baseline to compare with. No harm in going to an open evening as long as you are clear with your DC but not taking time off school.

We did, we explained to DD what made the preferred school better (smaller and more friendly despite being further).

Is it possible that he just wants to see his friends at this Open Evening?

@RedOrangeYellowGreenBlueIndigo Surely you can explain the admissions criteria to him? Look at what you need to do/be to qualify and explain you don’t. Personally I’d not take him if it’s totally a non starter. He should also be told that not all friends will be going if they don’t quality either? Do you not know the parents of his friends to ask them? Or are they the right religion?

If you go, you might find he wants this school and then there’s more angst when he doesn’t get it. Bite the bullet now and bring him into the conversation as to why it’s a No. He is mature enough to understand I would have thought.

We didn't, when in a similar situation. Some of my DD's friends from her hobby were going to a particular school and she was interested in it. It's a perfectly good school but from where we live the chances of a place at that time were practically zero as it had been oversubscribed from within catchment for years and we were outside catchment. And even if by some fluke she had got a place we wouldn't have been able to get her there as we live rurally and there is no bus from our village to that school and it's in completely the opposite direction to my work.
On the other hand, the school bus to the school that all our DC did go to stops literally at the end of our drive - and it's the better school in most people's opinion locally. Realistically, that was by far the best option, and it's where about 90% of the children in our village and the surrounding ones go.
I couldn't see any point in going to the other open day when there was no chance she'd go there. She would probably have liked it - it's a decent school and most are pretty good at showing their best side at open days - so I thought it was unfair to give her the idea it might be an option. I explained why applying to that school was not realistic and she understood and was perfectly happy with the school she went to.

i would go and visit if he wants to, he might not like it when he sees it anyway. I don't see why you wouldn't let him visit, there is usually a meetng with the Head as well as a visit when they talk about admissions arrangements if you think there is no chance he would get in anyway its a good thing for him to hear it from the school as well as from you

We found ourselves going round a C of E, mixed comprehensive simply because our best friends had one child there and were sending another. We are not C of E and DD wanted a single sex school. Our friends insisted it was wonderful and we had to see it. Half way round one of the teachers told us we shouldn’t even be considering the school for DD and we left. DD said she would have stayed home rather than go there. Let your DS at least see the school and compare it with what you have in mind.

Mixed opinions and experiences which is all good to hear as it gives me something to contemplate.

We get to name 3 on the form and we don't have to 'sign up' for the open evening for school 'X' - they are doing something strange where they have listed times and dates and then primary school names and you turn up in the timeslot where your primary school is named.

School 'X' is actually one of our closest schools and I don't have any huge objections to it but we just have >1% chance of getting in. Some of the year 6 from the current school will 100% go there based on religion. But we are not of that religion, no siblings and not in a feeder school and they haven't even taken anyone on distance in the last 3 years - they always cut off in the religion non feeder category. The reality is, its a non-starter. The 4 we (the parents) have chosen to visit we either have a very good chance or a 50% kind of chance.

I think we shall sit down and explain the admissions criteria for the schools and let DC ask questions. One one hand I can't see the harm in it (other than a huge waste of time) but on the other hand I don't want DC falling in love with the impossible. I think I'll start with explaining how they 'select' (for want of a better word) and see whether that helps.

It can be useful as a comparison.

@RedOrangeYellowGreenBlueIndigo Yes, I think that’s the best approach. You are going to have to go through the criteria and explain why you/ds doesn’t meet them. The LA or school might give distance they have admitted dc in their info or on the LA website. If they don’t take from your address ever, when dc meeting any admission criteria, show this to dc too. It’s worth having the discussion or he will just keep hoping and then get even more disappointed. We found being open about schools is best. Plus hopefully one or two of the others will really appeal to him. My DDs went off to secondary with no friends at all from primary, but didn’t mind.

I nearly went to look at a school we’d not get in out of curiosity. Didn’t bother in the end as decided it was a waste of an evening. We ended up only looking at the one a short walk away that’s perfectly fine and 60% of their huge year group go to