Relationship with DS getting worse due to GCSEs

[cloughie100]

I am really concerned about DS in year 11 and GCSEs next year- just had mocks and results are generally below target and english result was a 3 ( others were in region of 5/6) I have maths tutor and now looking for English tutor. I am working with him on his MFL. He is doing absolute minimum , I was away last week and he did zero academic work, did some sport and art stuff only. If I’m out with other DC I don’t trust him to work, if I’m late home he’s generally on phone / watching TV when I get back. Except for tutor generally rejects any interference from me - currently ignoring my request for the name of his form tutor who I want to speak to. I feel quite anxious and dread going home in evening / feel completely out of control- anyone else feel same?

I had exactly this with DS1. In the end I was more worried about destroying our relationship than I was about his GCSEs and decided quite literally to give up and leave him to pass or fail by himself.

And that's when he started working. He did quite well in the end. Not as well as if he'd worked hard from the start but better than anyone expected.

I have had two ds like this. Both left school (ds2 this year) with good grades, ds1 doing a masters. I purchased the revision guides for every subject, regularly emailed various teachers for feedback, used to test them after they had allegedly revised, ensured they went to after school revision classes by again getting school on board to tell me if they were there.I started this about 8 weeks before exams began. I realize this was controlling but I wasn't going to risk them failing. Ds2 was actually interviewed by local radio on results day as an example of how results can be turned around with intense effort at the end after being nominated by the headmaster ( not sure I should be proud about this !)The school is a small outstanding comp in a market town so not reflective of every situation.

For my DS it suddenly clicked around Easter that he needed to work harder than he had been and he rewrote notes etc as he realised they weren't good enough. Got him the revision guides and he really upped his game. Mock results 7-4 actual results 9-7! He is much more on it for year 12!!

You can support them but can't do it for them. Mine failed hers and I tried everything, nearly broke us.

Contact the school directly

How many subjects is he doing? How many are actually relevant to the next stage of his life? English and Maths are required for pretty much anything (A levels, college, apprentiships) but not all the subjects schools insist on forcing children to do are actually relevant to all children. What does he want to do after GCSEs. If he is into sport and art is that something he wants to turn into a job or study further? Schools generally don't let students drop a subject but I would whittle down his subjects to 'you need to do well at these' and 'not important'. Seriously not all subjects are important and if a child has zero interest in it (and so it won't make a difference to the rest of their life) then I wouldn't make a big deal over it.

Why does he need to do anything when you’ll just fix it for him? Not working hard at school? No problem, you’ll run around and find him a tutor. Anything that might put work on him (form tutor) is a no go.

Have you sat down and had a serious conversation about his plans for next year if he e.g. fails his English?