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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

problems with daughter and teachers.. help/advice please

53 replies

suzieQuattro70 · 22/04/2016 21:42

Any advice welcome...

So daughter is 15 and in year 10 at school. She is doing ok with her GCSE subjects.

The problem we have is with her behaviour in school. I have to attend a meeting with the year head next week to talk about her behaviour points this school year currently at 55. Daughter had been told she will get an exclusion for 2 days. Behaviour points are for uniform, being late, forgetting rules and equipment, truanting pe, one incident of swearing, make up and generally messing about and chatting in class.

Whilst I don't condone her behaviour it does seem a bit harsh to exclude her. She has never been violent and by my reckoning a third of the points are for forgetting rulers and other minor things.

We have talked to her about it and she feels she can do nothing right and is singled out. I have explained to her that if she just behaved she could save herself all this aggro but she says school teachers wind her up and go overboard at the smallest thing.

Does anybody else have experience s similar and can they exclude her?

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 22/04/2016 21:50

Whilst I don't condone her behaviour it does seem a bit harsh to exclude her. She has never been violent and by my reckoning a third of the points are for forgetting rulers and other minor things.

I should be upfront and say I'm a teacher. Constant low level back chat, mucking about and swearing is incredibly disruptive in classes. Kids always say they're being unfairly singled out-it's a standard defence. They very very rarely are.

I'm glad the school it taking it seriously. Presumably it hasn't got to exclusion without a detention or some other warning along the way. If the school policy is clear I think it's fair enough to exclude her. Sorry you're in this situation though, teenagers can be really tough at times.

PurpleDaisies · 22/04/2016 21:51

This should say I'm glad the school it taking it seriously for your daughter's sake before she falls to far behind and gets poorer gcse grades than she should.

starry0ne · 22/04/2016 21:57

Is this the first meeting, have there been previous consequences...I guess while you say minor.. that is an awful long list of things she has done wrong. I am guessing they are looking for a way to change her behaviour.

I think the fact you write teachers it is a whole group of teachers who singe her out? I am seriously doubting that

Wolfiefan · 22/04/2016 21:57

Forgetting rules? So breaking them?
Swearing?
Truanting?
Messing about in class and stopping others learning?
And you think this is harsh?
Wind her up? By doing their jobs?
Go overboard? By sanctioning her shitty behaviour and attitude?
You need to back the school on this one and ensure she knows she needs to behave differently.

noblegiraffe · 22/04/2016 22:23

Your DD sounds like a pain in the arse. Good thing that the school are giving her a kick up the backside, please support them and tell her to sort her shit out. GCSEs are too important for her to piss about in lessons, wasting her teacher's time and affecting the learning of others.

elephantoverthehill · 22/04/2016 22:32

Unfortunately the low level disruptive students can really cause big problems to the learning of others. Students who are violent generally have real 'issues' and support can be put in place. Unfortunately schools do not have the resources to support students who are 'trying it on'. Sorry to be blunt.

momtothree · 22/04/2016 22:36

Yep - may seem "low level" to most people - but when teachers have spent hours or parting lessons and one kid mucks about - the lesson doesn't get taught -

Frustrating to the teacher and 29 other students

Do you shout out in meetings?
Can't find a pen?
Forget your notes?
Need the loo?

20 times in a hour?

She deserves to be excluded - sorry

Hassled · 22/04/2016 22:43

Sorry but I'm pretty zero tolerance too. Low level disruption is still disruption - she's affecting other pupils' opportunities to learn, and at least some of them will hate her for it. She needs to sort herself out - exclusion is harsh, but it might be what's needed to get that message home.

Aducknotallama · 22/04/2016 22:48

Sorry but also a teacher and agree with the others. Low level disruption is a nightmare and it sounds as if she is constantly testing the teacher's boundaries.

Noggie · 22/04/2016 22:48

You have my sympathies BUT... Two things:
Firstly- has the school been communicating with you about this and already given lunch time or afternoon detentions? If they have and she hasn't changed her behaviour then the sanctions do have to escalate.
Secondly - having 'low level' persistent behaviour issues is incredibly disruptive to the other pupils and is really unfair.

In my opinion you need to go in to the meeting and be supportive of the school who are trying to get on top of your daughters behaviour and look after the rest of her class mates. She may have a reputation and feel she's 'picked on' as a result but needs to show that she's willing to turn over a new leaf and needs your backing of the school to make her realise how important behaving herself is. She needs to show that she's learnt from her mistakes- not keep repeating them.
Teenagers are so hard!

apple1992 · 23/04/2016 09:25

Has she actually been given the exclusion or have you been told she is 'at risk of exclusion' (threatened)?

Haggisfish · 23/04/2016 09:30

Truanting pe? Being late etc? Your dd sounds a pain-in my school only the real naughties truant pe. Back the school and be glad they are taking it seriously.

Haggisfish · 23/04/2016 09:31

And teachers don't wind students up-you may get the odd teacher that does do this but you can complain about those with concrete evidence. The vast majority of teachers simply don't do this.

newname99 · 23/04/2016 10:28

I guess the negative behaviour points eventually have a penalty and exclusion is the next step.55 points?? She has had opportunities to stop the escalation but chooses not too.

I don't think she is being picked on but she has obviously developed a reputation and that is hard to shake off.I bet teachers have discussed how disruptive she is in class and trying to take a uniform approach.

Her behaviour will be disrupting others and I bet other parents will relived that she is being dealt with.Why should children who turn up on time, with the right uniform and attitude have to have disruption whilst your DD decides she doesn't have to do those things?

Btw, I was a disruptive teen, it was caused by a difficult homelife and subsequently I have realised I may have been depressed (rebellion is often depression in teens).

Does she have any difficulties with learning?

If not for your dd's sake she needs to start taking some responsibility as it will impact her in later life.Does she have any career aspirations?
It's completely fair for the school to expect her to turn up on time with right materials..Is this an area you and her could focus on? Have a checklist each night to pack what's needed?

Twinkie1 · 23/04/2016 10:32

Leave it. Carry on acting as though she's doing nothing wrong and when she's on her 15th job or sitting on your couch after being sacked for the umpteenth time you'll look back and wish you took this seriously.

There are rules, you have superiors, there are consequences.

Best you back up those superiors now and get her to start following the rules and showing some respect.

Unescorted · 23/04/2016 10:44

If a teacher has a lesson of 45 minutes of 30 kids that is 1 and a half minutes of teacher time per student. If they are spending 10 minutes of each lesson dealing with your daughters behaviour which 7 kids should have their education impaired?

Persistant low level poor behaviour disadvantages other students education. It will usually be the ones who get on with their work - but could do with help from the teacher to help them reach their full potential. Unfortunately because of your daughter's behaviour they will have to do with a substandard education and this will have long term implications for them.

starfish4 · 23/04/2016 11:06

As a parent I'm sure you are alarmed. Having said that, it isn't just a couple of things she's got wrong over her time in the school and it needs nipping in the bud now.

My niece was always being late for school and this has carried on into her first job. She's upset that everyone else who started around the same time has trained up for other jobs within the organization, but those jobs are front of house where they need people there on time!

Disruption is distracting for other pupils who are trying to do their best and as others have said time consuming for teachers. If she's excluded for two days, hopefully she will learn her lesson and become more focussed.

RaeSkywalker · 23/04/2016 11:30

I'm really sorry but at 15 she should know the rules. I agree with others that low-level disruption has a massive impact on other children who are trying to learn. I'm glad that your daughter is doing ok with her GCSE's, but there will be others in her classes who are struggling and desperately need the time from teachers that your daughter's behaviour is probably demanding.

PolterGoose · 23/04/2016 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 23/04/2016 12:07

Is it an internal exclusion?
Sounds like they have tried the softer penalties & now they have to go for a hard one. What do you think they should do instead to get her attention? They have very few options, really.

LadyPenelope68 · 23/04/2016 12:07

Totally agree that low level disruption has a massive impact on the learning of the rest of the class. At the school I teach at we have zero tolerance for stuff like that, and at 55 behaviour points is say she's had more than enough "chances/warnings". I don't think exclusion is over the top at all. Constant disruption of the lessons is, in my opinion, just as bad as kicking off type behaviour. Often children displaying aggressive/violent behaviour have reasons behind this that need dealing with/support offering, but low level disruption just shows a lack of respect for staff and other pupils.

CodyKing · 23/04/2016 12:16

Rather than exclusion perhaps you could spend a few days in school with her to see for yourself and correct her behaviour?

I would like to see this as a school policy - having had one daughter change schools for this reason - one disruptive child - no learning - one frustrated DD.

apple1992 · 23/04/2016 13:59

Rather than exclusion perhaps you could spend a few days in school with her to see for yourself and correct her behaviour? - I imagine this would be difficult for safeguarding reasons

noblegiraffe · 23/04/2016 14:00

Or rather you could believe the teachers when they say she is misbehaving in lessons and deal with it appropriately.

PurpleDaisies · 23/04/2016 14:50

Rather than exclusion perhaps you could spend a few days in school with her to see for yourself and correct her behaviour?

Is that an actual serious suggestion? There is absolutely no way that will either help or happen. Can you imagine how disruptive it would be to have random parents sitting in lessons? It sends the message that either the teacher is not believed or capable of managing her behaviour without the help of mum and if the girl has any sense she won't step out of line. Really bad idea.

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