DD going in yr9 selective, not enjoying?

[Sparky05]

I'm wondering whether to move dd - I don't think she likes her school (leh) that much - says it's super stressy and v competitive. She's gone into yr9, comes home not very happy . I think she likes her friends, but thinking of moving her to somewhere less bitchy - co ed preferably. Can anyone give me any feedback on claremont - which looks good and not to far away ! Thx

I am not familiar with either school but I am the owner of a Yr 9.
Before you jump to the conclusion to jump, have you considered these questions:

How has your dd's academic performance been in Yrs 7 and 8? Is she keeping up with her peers, have the school expressed any concern that she is struggling, do her effort grades match up to her academic grades? i.e is she clever but lazy, or genuinely struggling and the pressure is making her anxious?

Have you talked to the school - her tutor of head of year, about her unhappiness? can they shed any light on her relationships with other girls, or suggest ant strategies to make her feel happier? Keep a look out for people being mean to her, make sure she is not in groups with certain girls etc?

Yr 9 girls are famous for being in a difficult moment, you need to be sure that her problems really would be addressed rather than just shunted to a new location.

Finally, you might get more response about the particular schools if you start a thread asking for views and experiences of the two schools, and name them in the title to attract those who know.

I hope whatever happens things work out for your dd.

Thx yak will do! Her grades are great, as is her effort and has been throughout but has been genuinely unhappy and I feel really bad about keeping her there if she doesn't like it x

Was she unhappy in Yrs 7 and 8? Or has it just started now?

She's doing well, she has friends.... some children don't like pressure or competition, that's true. Has she asked if she could move?

Claremont nowhere near as well thought of as LEH or in the same universe academically. A less extreme move might be to one of the Guildford schools (Tormead and GHS) or for co-ed Epsom College and CLFS (IF - big if - they have spaces)

Will have a look at both - she picked claremont because of the pastoral side I think, not so worried about academic - shell do well wherever and just want her to be happy. Might leave until half term before choosing (cutting it fine I know), she's quite sensitive ! Thx for responses x

Know the school and if your DD is having problems with the bitchyness, jump. It comes and goes in waves from year to year but if you get one of those years lets just say the school could handle it more effectively, or perhaps they really do not stand a chance with such clever girls if you get such a manipulative bunch. I think I heard that Year 9 were another year like the one that just left. However I would not jump to Claremont, Reeds or Hampton Court House who doubtless will have room They are not very selective and if she got into LEH whilst as you say she would do well anywhere, she really is going to find it frustrating unless she likes being the star. Ring and ask around for spaces at more academic schools, Latymer, KGS, Radnor, St Georges, Epsom College. There is also the option to hang on in, the new Head is generally perceived as being a good thing by parents because she will address the pastoral side and if that does not work then there are so many more options at 16. I hope it works. If you can get a place at the above schools you really will find the social atmosphere so much more normal, not sure whether it is their pastoral care or the influence of boys.......

We had a similar issue at the same school and decided to make a very bold move elsewhere. DD is very bright but was very unhappy with her cohort. Best decision we made and DD is now a very happy confident child and her academic performance has stepped up further if anything. There is a new head at the school who I am sure will make a difference to the pastoral side but this could take a while to bed in and may not benefit your daughter in the short term. I would make the move sooner rather than later if you have any doubts at all. Plenty of good schools around and as you said if your daughter is bright she will do well anywhere. Good luck whatever decision you take.

Agree with Shooting. Worth a ring round. You never know who. Someone may have been suddenly relocated in the summer.

If she is seriously unhappy talk to the school. They would have to give a reference anyway. If they agree that a fresh start might be the best thing, they may help you in the process. Even in the most selective schools there seems to be a process of allowing managed moves. It happened to the daughter of a friend, who was going through a horrid divorce. A new school early in Yr 9 and away from girls who had been taking advantage of her vulnerability, made all the difference.

That said Yr 9 tends to be better. Yrs 7 & 8 can be awful. By Yr 9 they split into clear friendship groups and so "mean girls" then tend to leave those not in their group alone. Yr 9 can also mean new classes, more setting and options, so your daughter will get to know more of the nice but quiet girls. If a good alternative does not appear I would discuss strategies for sticking it out for the remaining three years, getting the best grades possible and then having a stab at a co-ed sixth form. (KGS, Latymer, St Benedicts, Ibstock KCS etc depending on grades it ought to be possible to switch to at least one from the school you mention.) Looking at extra-curricular which would give her access to a different social group is one way.

And I would say that the Head of UIII -UIV does recognise the bitchy cliques, is uncompromising about bad behaviour and willing to discipline them and will provide support to those finding it hard to deal with. It is worth talking to her. The staff have as many problems as some of the pupils, they are under no illusions! From your DDs point of view she will not involve your daughters name in any dealings she has with individuals, to make sure it does not rebound on her. I am a bit that they allow these characters too much leeway, they tend to have sad back stories and need support themselves but I am not sure they get the balance right between their interests and those of the more sensitive and therefore vulnerable. I hope you find a solution. We do wish we had jumped ship earlier. Like Crazy my daughter flourished socially and academically at another school and is now happy and confidant, she cannot believe how relaxed and respectful of each other the pupils are at one of the coeds we have been mentioning.