Starting school at 4.5 or 5.5

[Tigerraar]

I'm sure this has been asked many, many times so I apologise in advance!

February birthdays and school starts... My daughter is 2.5 so can start school in either 2 years or 3 years. I firmly believe that in the UK we start school too young so I've always thought that I would want her to start school at 5.5. As it gets closer, I'm thinking about how she'll compare with her peers, socially and "academically", for want of a better word. She'd be young at 4.5 but would she be bored and frustrated at 5.5? And thinking long-term as well, what difference does it make when they're older?

She's with a childminder 3 days a week and we haven't applied for nursery next year but now I'm wondering if that was a mistake.

We deferred both DS's as Jan/Feb birthdays. DS2 will start next August, for about a week had that he wanted to be in school as 2/3 of his pals went but we found activities with his friends who had moved up to school.

DS1 is thriving the biggest difference we notice is his social resilience and taking things in his stride. I don't regret it for an instant. We have had the odd snide remarks from parents of Jan/Feb who didn't defer in his class. I avoid getting suckered in and just shrug with a casual you know your child best and I know mine it was right for him. He's also not the oldest about a quarter of the class is deferrals.

We have friends who are teachers they all said the same thing about recommending deferral and looking at the whole picture including social and exam age later.

I have had three children go through the state school system in Scotland and know so many of their peers who were deferred. Not one single parent I have ever come across regrets deferring their child. Plenty of regrets sending them as a February birthday not deferred.

If you fear she will be bored in her last year before school that is a problem with your childcare/nursery not a reason to send her to school. Childcare should be creating activities to stretch and meet the needs of each child and if they are not doing that, they need to start.

Also agree with others that it's not about P1 or P2 and being "academically ready". It's about S4 when she's only just turned 15 and sitting her Nat 5s, or only just 16 in S5 and doing Highers. Last in her peer group to get a driving licence, last to be able to get into the pub, last to hit any age-related requirement like joining the Brownies at 7. Starting uni at 17.5

Seriously. Defer her.

To add to the choir, deferred one and not the other, the one who wasn’t deferred is academically able but struggled socially through out school and one of the youngest in her year, I don’t know that deferring would’ve helped but she’s nearly done now and just starting to rethink and get a grasp on social dynamics that have escaped her for a long time.

the younger deferred one is more confident and I’d say it is the kids who were on the younger side that in general have struggled socially and continue to through the years.

it depends on your individual children but I wish we’d moved the elder one back - we thought about it but by mid upper primary you can’t really do it.

Also just experimentally as a parent, I love my older children but once they’re in school you’re on a bit of a treadmill, one extra year with them can be nice for you depending on how you feel about it and are setup.

This getting bored worry always strikes me as bizarre. What child gets bored with playing?

I would definitely defer.

Might be a frank way to look at it but for me it would come down to if your child is advanced or not, both socially and ‘academically’.

If they’re outgoing, mixing well and have a higher reading level than their age suggests then I would send them.

If they’re still unable to mix, pronounce words properly and point at pictures of trains then I’d hold off.

It’s very common to defer whether I live, not really an issue at early stages but I always remember a friend’s boy in my daughter’s class who was not only a December birthday but also developed early, he was physically a young man in primary school with all the developmental aspects that brings (interest in girls/music/clothes) but he was stuck in a class with other boys that were still playing with Lego and swapping football stickers, it was incredibly isolating for him and painful to watch.