Am I mad to get a job as a SAHM!?

[girlmummy25]

Ive been a stay at home mum since my second child was born 4 years ago.
We are good financially from my partners business so its not like we need the money but I applied for a job which ive now had an offer on. It will be a full time role as my industry doesnt really offer part time unless you were already with a company for a while to request it.

My second child starts reception at school in September 2027 and I cant help but feel mum guilt if i take the job?
however the job is mostly working from home which is hard to come by for my job so im also worried id be mad to turn it down.

The reason I applied was because some days I do feel a bit like ive wasted my career and I would also just like some money that is fully mine and I can do whatever I like with without having to run a big purchase past my partner.

Am I mad to give up being a SAHM?

Go for it

Well it all depends on your financial stability, how much you value your career, and how much you value being a SAHM I guess.

What will you do for child care? You can't work and care for a pre-schooler simultaneously.

So when do you plan to go back to work? Sounds like right job.

You'd be mad to turn it down.

Congratulations on the job!

I say go for it. They’ll be at school soon anyway and if it’s wfh then pick ups etc won’t be as hard as being away for work. It’s a job you know and will give you your career back and some security financially.

you read so many threads about women stuck with men due to money.

go for it!!!

You say partner not husband. You would be mad not to take it.

Do you want to be a sahm ? It wasn’t for me, financial equality was critical for me and no way I wanted to stay home and do the chores, it’s uo to you, we are all different,

Do it! Your DC will be fine. It will feel a bit tiring and uncomfortable at first but you’ll soon get into it.

I don’t know anyone who regrets getting back into the workforce after being a SAHM.

I do know a lot of people who found it impossible to get work again after a few years out. And several who decided to stay SAHMs for good and had a terrible identity crisis and sense of emptiness and depression when their kids needed them less and eventually left home.

Leave it too much longer and you won’t have the choice of returning without a massive step down, or retraining.

It’s one thing if you feel deeply fulfilled being a SAHM and it’s what you always wanted - but it the plan was always to work again, this is a good time to do it.

My 4 year old does pre-school 4 days a week 9am-3pm so its only 1 day a week that he is home with me. I normally take him swimming lessons that day and to a park or soft play or something.
Im hoping that between my partner and both our mums that they could take turns doing this maybe once every 3 weeks each.
We can afford a nanny for that day but id feel more comfortable with family if they are happy to help.

Hoping to do the school run as part of my lunch break although after school clubs are going to be tricky.

Correct, we are not married.
Been together 14 years but I know what you mean by that financially

Do you own your own house, or have savings and a good pension?

It's never a good idea to be dependent on a man with no legal protection in place.

You’re financially very vulnerable if you’re not married
I would say 1000% take the job and build your earnings and job potential
do you have a pension? If not or it’s small start paying in
if you don’t want to marry then make sure there’s wills and other legal things in place (re property etc)
No father has guilt about working

You aren’t married and your partner is self employed. You’d be mad not to work.

Ive enjoyed it this far but there is always something in the back of my mind that doesnt 100% enjoy it - if that makes sense.
A bit part is also not being able to be lavish with certain stuff without checking with my partner that its ok. I mean small stuff is fine or a few clothes etc but anything big I feel like I need to ask which I hate.

But then I hate the thought of not being there for my kids 24/7 or saying they can do a certain club because im working… but i suppose thats life and lots of parents do it

This is anecdata only but I can only think of a couple of women with children that I know that don't work. Im getting the impression from your posts that you think most women are sahms, is that really the norm where you are?

Personally I'd take the job but then I'd never need to ask anyones advice on that so we are obviously very different people and my opinion probably isn't what you're looking for

Yeah I wasn't having a dig, sorry if came across that way. The choice not to get married is valid but it does put you in a different financial position.

I think its wise that all women have independent financial means, married or not. But at least marriage gives some protection.

No not at all, most Mums i know work even if its part time. My mum always worked too.
I appreciate all opinions on this, honestly.
A few people ive mentioned it to have said “oh your mad, id love not to have to work” which is whats also making me think am I mad and not being grateful of my position.
But im also more than just being a Mum and a house cleaner.
My thinking is to take the job and if I really cant manage it along with childcare then I can quit (which I really dont want to do!)
Im lucky that I have that luxury but I also dont want another break in my CV as that would look messy if I wanted to go back again.

I gave it up and have never looked back. Granted it was 4 days a week but 5 hours a day. I felt like I had lost my identity as a sahm. Mine are 14 and 18 now tho!

Take the job for all of the very good reasons previous posters have listed. Once established in the role you might be able to negotiate part time hours, but if you decide it’s not working for you at all then you can just quit. Nothing ventured and all that.

This , front, middle and centre of every consideration.
You need to be able to support yourself and provide for your kids. No one can predict what happens in the future, but your own income and pension provision means you will be in a different place to a woman without these things.

It's not mad and if you put in the application there's probably some part of you that wants to go back.

I've remained a sahm and wouldn't go back to work, but I'm in a different place as I'm married and financially secure, and have a strong sense of identity which doesn't depend on work. I like having time to myself while my dcs are at school and that they can do any extracurriculars they like, and I'm always around for school events and holidays. It would be a pain to miss out on their performances and have to juggle AL for school holidays.

Take the job - honestly all you need to do is to see a few relationship boards to see how financially risky being a SAHM is - especially when not married.

Also if you can afford it get a cleaner/ part time housekeeper- maybe that will help with the one day a week for your youngest . then your evenings and weekends aren’t spend doing housework but being present

You said partner, not husband?

Personally I think anyone is crazy to be fully financially independent on someone else, but even more so without the contract of marriage.

Go for it. And apply for PT when you're established.

No, you're not mad to give up being a SAHM. You've done it for four years, and now it's time to do something for yourself too. Try not to feel guilty – your DC will be at school for most of the day, and you'll still be there for them outside of work. It sounds like a great opportunity, and if you find it really doesn't suit you, you can always leave. CV gaps can always be explained.