Becoming a stay at home mum

[meadowkoa]

Hi all…
i have an 11 month old and 3 year old and was due to go back to work soon which was part time and term time.

My mum was going to look after our children however, the relationship between her and I has broken down. I used to pay her £350 a month when she looked after my first however, since then our relationship has turned toxic. Over the past year or so she has been very emotionally manipulative towards me and I feel she is a narcissist. She hates to see me setting boundaries and I believe she doesn’t like to see me happy. A hard pill to swallow when it’s your mum!

Because of this, my partner and I have had to rethink childcare. We do not feel comfortable sending my youngest to a nursery just yet and my eldest is at a forest school (children have to be 18 months to join). After much thinking we’ve decided I will be at home with my youngest for a while. It’s been really upsetting as I quite ready to go back to work and have some routine.

We will manage financially but won’t have the financial freedom we once had. I’m also feeling the rubbish that I won’t have an identity apart from mum.

How do other SAHM’s get on? Are there any ‘side hustles’ you do to make some extra money that are flexible around the children?

TIA xx

If you're planning to send your youngest to forest school at 18 months anyway then I'd send them to nursery now rather than lose your job which sounds perfect around kids going forward.

If you want to be a sahm then go for it, I've loved it, but if you don't then find a way not to. I don't feel like my identity is just a sahm - I'm self employed so just stopped for five years and I'm now restarting now my youngest is in school. But I've really enjoyed being off with them both.

Unless your identity was very tied up in your job you won't lose anything by becoming a SAHM. You're just you, at home. I love it and dread the day I'm back being a slave to a boss I didn't give birth to 😂

However, I would say, same as pp, the job you have sounds absolutely ideal - the gold dust of jobs. If you don't have a burning desire to be a sahm and there's any way to bridge the gap for 7 months then I would. Can work let you have some unpaid leave? Go part time for 7 months? Is there maybe a preschool near you which often have significantly lower fees but less hours? Our
pre-school is 8:45-2:45 and for 3 days a week it's £380 for the term (using funded hours).

Honestly I would have a very hard think about why it is that nursery isn’t acceptable to you. Would a childminder fit the bill instead? Part time term jobs seem quite hard to find so can’t assume you could walk into another when you did wish to return to work.

You say partner not husband so you increase your financial vulnerability if you remain at home. Clearly your wage is lost but offset by the need for no paid childcare. But your pension contributions and your employers pension contributions are also lost. Will your partner pay those into a SIPP for you? Can you claim child benefit to maintain your record of contributions for state pension. Do you both have life insurance to cover bills/ mortgage in case of disaster?