Two kids at 22?

[laurenann]

Hello,
I am 22 with a 2.5year old and am 8 weeks pregnant with my second. I look very young for my age so tend to get a lot of judgemental looks and strangely people seem to assume my partner and I don't work and are on benefits 🤷‍♀️ personally I see no problem with people who live on benefits while looking after their young children but it seems to be a negative stereotype. In reality I am lucky enough to stay at home while my partner earns enough for us to live comfortably.
Just wondering if you think 22 with 2 kids is very young? Would you be judgemental? Be completely honest, I won't be offended or take it to heart- just curious 😁

I had 3 at 22 and looked young for my age, so no judgement here

Mums get judged all the time for different things, too young, never t young enough, working too much, not working at all.

Doesn't matter, joe public will find something to judge you for so just ignore it

I wouldn't judge you but in my heart I feel sad that you are on lifetime of work and responsibility whilst at your age I was still having carefree fun

Not in a judgemental way, but I do think that's very young. At 22 I was going out three nights a week with my manager, then being hungover at work all day and living off a diet of dominos and coffee.

Omg I miss those days.

I think some women are better suited to be younger mums. Of course, a generation ago 22 wouldn’t have been considered young. Anyway, no judgment here.

All the people I know who had their kids young, have got back on to making good careers if that's what they wanted to do. Plus, I know it's a cliché but it's true - parenthood is harder when you're older! All the night waking, lack of free time to relax - if you do it young you've a bit more energy.

I had 2 kids by 22 and looked very young for my age.

I once went to the post office in a very nice area and got shouted at in the street by an older (but not old!) woman. She started having a go at me for no reason saying I was on benefits, get back to my council house, stop having babies etc. The reality was that I was on maternity leave from work, my DH worked full time and we bought our first home 2 years previously.

Pay no attention. Do what's right for you and your family. Just think, by the time you're 30 your kids will be fairly self sufficient, you won't have to dress them and they will entertain themselves for periods of time. The hard part, in many ways will be over!

I had my first at 21 then by the time I was 28 I had 7! 😱 but like you I was with someone wealthy so didn't need to work and it wasn't a struggle as I always had help.

At the time I didn't feel too young, but at 29 me and exh separated and split childcare 50/50 so I sort of had my life back and got back into going out with friends, finding out who I am again, it's been brilliant and I honestly wouldn't change anything

But I do think it would've been better for me to do it the right way round and have my independence first, then settle down around the age I am now, (32).

Also I remember feeling like people were judging me, and they probably were, but you really have to learn not to care.

I wouldn't judge. And sounds like you're in a good position to do it with financial security so why not! I'm 38 and have 2 aged 1 and 2, and I wouldn't want to be judged for being older. We should all love and let live!

While I'm glad I had my care free 20s and early 30s, and had fun partying, dating, and getting up the career ladder, I wasn't always that happy spending my weekends hungover and often alone. Also, just think - when you are my age you'll have kids who are nearly grown up and will have your freedom back - I will be in my 50s by the time I'm at that stage!

I wish I'd met the right person earlier and done it all younger. I have friends who are the same age as I am and are now footloose and fancy free, I am still waiting for my youngest to start school. Thier bodies snapped back post baby and they effortlessly had the energy to run around after thier kids. Plus they just get to be around them for longer. My father was 22 when I was born and even though I had children later on he is still young enough to run around with them. I think there are so many plusses that I wouldn't worry what anyone else thinks.

I'm 22 with two! So no judgement here. I've been very lucky that I have great friends/partner/family that have meant I've still had night outs, jobs, I'm at uni, etc.
I found the jump from 1 to 2 very difficult to begin with, but I don't remember there only being 1 of them now!
No judgement here. I understand when people feel sad when they see 'young' mums, but your age isn't a measurement of how good of a parent you are. I am still really close with my friend group from teen years, none of which have children but I also really get on with the (older) school mums and count them as friends too.

Congratulations!

I Found out on another MN thread that 28 is the adverage age in the UK! So you're not far off of being slap bang in the middle anyway.

I would not judge you... In fact, I'd be a little bit jealous because I would have loved to have had children younger but waited to sort out living arrangements and finances before trying!

You're very lucky! Congrats on your pregnancy, OP!!

Also, what the catstrousers said. DS1 is incredibly close to my GM (so his great GM) and she's 69, and fit and healthy enough to take him out for the day/spend time with him. My own mum is only 48, and as she works full time, I think she's probably more likely to be babysitting my grandchildren! (Not that I want my children to have children as young as I did, but it certainly isn't the end of the world)

When you say partner I hope you mean husband op?

Also, my mum was 22 when she had me (20 when she had my DB) and I turned out perfectly ;D

Why mydcaremarvel ?

I'd say it is young, but I wouldn't make assumptions about you as a person. I owned my own house at 22, so wouldn't assume that just because you are young you are living off benefits etc.
I think if anyone makes comments just remark that yes, you are young but you will get older. They, however, are rude, and what are they going to do about that??

22 Isnt young for kids imo.

in all honesty, i might feel sorry for you - but that's based on my preferences and past experiences, not yours. i wouldn't feel sorry for someone I actively knew had chosen to have their children young.

I had a lovely time in my 20s going on nice holidays and wasting money, but friends who had children in their 20s were then free in their late 30s/40s, whereas obviously we're slogging a bit now!

i tend to agree that if you worry about judgement as a parent, you'll never stop worrying.

Mrsknackered because the op is vulnerable as a sahm unmarried. Especially so as she has not built up a career to attempt to go back to before becoming a sahm.

I had mine at 28. I wouldn’t judge you, because that would be dickish and stupid, but personally I’d have hated to be a parent at that age and would have been useless. I loved spending my early twenties having zero responsibilities and finding out who I was. But that’s just me, there’s no right way to do these things!
My only caveat would be to get married if you aren’t already, so you’re financially protected. Also, do you have a degree or is there anything you’d like to study? I’ve done a masters as a SAHM and I’ve found it’s a good way to keep your hand in career-wise and give you something to keep your brain occupied.

mydcaremarvel I thought that might be why. However, I think having two children and being 22 is quite a lot already, let alone having a wedding. Also, just because you have children doesn't necessarily mean you want to be married.

I think it's a little sad if marriage is just for financial security.

Also, yes it's a vulnerable position. BUT it's not an impossible one. If OP and her DP were to split, she could pick herself back up, hard but not impossible.

Hello, op here I have name changed due to another 'outing' post :)
Thank you very much for replies very interesting!
I absolutely love being a parent and personally I think I am good at it, I have no regrets about starting so early, I think it was right for me. I have finished college but have not been to uni, however that will still be an option :)
We are not married but that's because it's not been a priority, my partner has flown up in his career as an I.T contractor and we had two abroad holidays last year, and three holidays this year. We are currently renting but are saving up for a mortgage to buy hopefully next year, then we will finally get around to a wedding! We have been together for over 5 years and everything is in both our names (tenancy, bills etc) so I am not too worried.

I had 2 kids by the time I was 22 and someone recently said to me 'Gosh that was young' my response? Yep and I'm so happy I did, I'll be sitting on the beach with a cocktail when I'm 40' this person has got a 3 year old in their 40s and not by choice