Lonely and unable to make mum friends.

[Gamgee]

Hi, I hope it's OK for me to post here. I do work two days a week during term time so am not really a sahm. My oh works away during the week so i've been feeling a little lonely of late. Another mum who I've met once before posted on a fb site yesterday looking for new friends for her toddler who's the same age as mine. I replied and we agreed to meet up sometime. This morning I saw that the conversation that we had about meeting had been deleted and she had agreed to meet up with someone else. I'm aware that I'm feeling pretty sensitive at the moment but this really upset me.

I think anyone would be upset. She's just one person though, not everyone can get along with everyone else - and she is lacking in the manners department so I'd be glad she's gone. What do you do with your DC, are there groups you go to etc? Might be a more fluid way to meet people than online. I found it easier once ds started at nursery, is that happening soon for you?

My lo will be starting nursery in September. Up until now my mum has been helping out when I'm at work. We do normally go to a local playgroup and she has a few friends. Our usual playgroup is closed over the summer holidays and i'm starting to realise how much I rely on it during the week. I had post natal anxiety after my lo was born and it often effects me when meeting new people. I'm aware that I generally don't make a good first impression because of my nerves.

You need to remember that just because you and another person both have children it doesn't mean you have anything in common with them. Clearly the woman on FB is ill mannered.

You need to keep putting yourself out there, are there any activities going on at libraries or museums over summer? Even if it is just to get you out of the house.

We relocated with Dh's job, Ds was 16 months and no-one really spoke to me. I went to mother and toddler groups, book readings at the library and people either just kept themselves to themselves or were already in a clique and wouldn't welcome anyone else in.

It was an incredibly lonely time for me but I cherished that time I had with Ds. When he was 3 he started preschool and finally other parents would talk. It got far better when he started school though.

The only way to get over your nerves is to talk to more people. And I know how terrifying that is. The more you practise the easier it will get.

It's often nothing to do with you. In certain situations, if i already have a friend to go with (to softplay or whatever) them I'm just not in the mindset of making new friends. and then at other times I'd love it if someone started chatting to me.

I came on this board to say the same thing. I moved in November, Ds is 19 months. We've tried loads of groups, but I've failed to click with anyone and it's really dented my confidence. I now feel that I don't really have anything to say to anyone as life has become so insular, just me and toddler, and I've started to really dislike myself for not being confident, chatty or charming enough to make friends. I'm an introvert and quite serious (not very good at small talk!) so don't need lots of company, but when you're having a long day (dh works from 7-7) alone, time can seem endless.
So, you aren't alone. Hugs. X

In the last 3 years I've managed to make 3 really good mum friends. They keep me sane and I see them every week. But to get them, in the first couple of years of Sahm I had to 'chat up /ask to coffee' probably at least 60 mums, perhaps even 100s - of the others, most were unfriendly, five I met up with a couple of times and we realised we had nothing in common, and 1 now seems to hate me (runs a mile if she spots me at playground). Making new friends is tough, I imagine it's a bit like being a teenage boy trying to find a girlfriend- expect to crash and burn A Lot! And that fb woman sounds very rude. Keep going to groups and chatting to people, (like the teenage boy try to seem fun not desperate), and if you've chatted to someone a few times and like them, say something like "I think our children would play together really nicely but I'm so tired of [playgroup], do you fancy meeting up in [park/coffee shop etc] instead sometime? It seems to be the case that you have to see someone around at least 3 times before that works. Good luck and remember you are a fun friendly lovely person and it's not your fault most people aren't.