depressed

[RebeccaRHY1]

So i love being at home with my children. My eldest is 4 i went bk to work part time after having her. But when our second came along it made alot more sense for me to leave my job and become a stay at home parent.
Dont get me wrong i feel blessed to be in a position to do this but i just feel so alone and like ive completly lost myself
My oh works away from home and we have few options for babysitters.
My days are just like ground hog day. Same things, same issues with the kids, same little tantrums, same battles at dinner time, bedrime
Comes and im exhausted more emotionally and mentally i think.
I see my friends with the children in tow and try ro get out when oh is home but i have nothing to talk about anymore but kids
I feel like i need to escape. But feel bad for thinking that way when my children are a pleasure to be with.
I want to spend more time with my friends but when i do im just reminded how little ive got to talk about these days. How ive done nothing for 4 years but watch pepper pig, colour in and clean up. Then i feel
More depressed. Can anyone relate!?

I'm not a SAHP permanently (on mat leave), but this is the way I think I'd feel if I were... You're allowed to change your mind, you know. Could you try going back to part-time work and see if you feel happier?

It wont pay us for me to do that. He earns too much working away from home. We would be entitled to
Know governement help (not that expect it) but childcare costs would outweigh my earnings. Like i say we dont have anyone who could manage both kids and do the drop of pick ups etc i literally feel trapped!

Yes I've been there.

How old is your youngest? Does your older child use her free hours?

Obviously I don't know what your financial situation is, but there is no law that you have to come out with more money in your pocket to be able to work. Long-term you almost certainly will be better off, even if that's not the case immediately. Also, don't fall into the trap of allocating childcare costs against your potential salary only - you're both parents, your husband needs childcare to be able to do his job as well!

What I'm trying to say is that if you'd be happier working, that's OK. Even if it would cost more money short-term (that can be recouped by your earning potential increasing over your whole career).

Could your partner work less/compressed hours? What about an au pair (if your youngest is old enough)?

I used to enjoy working out, i spent alot
Of time at the gym. I now live on kids leftovers and am that tired by 7pm the thought of a workout is just no! I dont think this is helping either!
I cannot justify paying to go to work. Yes i take your point on getting that money bk ling term in a career. Biug when the kids are used to me being around 24/7 for me to pay to leave them with someone else feels wrong. Would be different if my going to work would bring us money for them and us

I used to enjoy working out, i spent alot
Of time at the gym. I now live on kids leftovers and am that tired by 7pm the thought of a workout is just no! I dont think this is helping either!
I cannot justify paying to go to work. Yes i take your point on getting that money bk ling term in a career. Biug when the kids are used to me being around 24/7 for me to pay to leave them with someone else feels wrong. Would be different if my going to work would bring us money for them and us