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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

2 year age gap but no nursary 4ds1?!

25 replies

Chloe94 · 07/11/2015 13:21

Okay so my son is one and were thinking of ttc no2 after Christmas, as I'd like the next baby to be born September or after, we send out son for one afternoon a week to nursery but he's not entitled to free child care until he's 3 so by the time the second baby is born he will only be two... We will still send him to nursery one half day a week but I don't know how this will work...on one hand I'm thinking its brilliant as they will get to bond so well... But on the other hand I'm thinking how will I cope? Am I going to take too much on?? Dh works 12 hour days 5 days a week so I'll only have two days of help? Any replys would so greatful thank you! :) xx

OP posts:

DartmoorDoughnut · 07/11/2015 13:24

Watching as in the exact same position!

DartmoorDoughnut · 07/11/2015 13:26

Although zero nursery so possibly a slightly more daft position?!

Original poster

Chloe94 · 07/11/2015 13:35

It's such a hard decision isn't it :( can I ask, how come you don't get it at all? As now I'm panicking I won't any either? Haha! x

OP posts:

DartmoorDoughnut · 07/11/2015 13:39

Sorry I meant he doesn't go to nursery now, once he qualifies for free hours I'll pop him along for a few mornings. It took forever to get pregnant with him though so am hoping number 2 doesn't take so long!

Groovee · 07/11/2015 13:41

My Dd was 2 years 9 months when ds arrived. I just seemed to get on with it. She went to a local playgroup which we paid for and she loved. Dh would leave at 6.30am so I found myself doing a morning routine on my own from the start and worked out that it wasn't the end of the world if we didn't get dressed every morning by 8.

Ds often did the playgroup run in his sleep suit then I would sort him out once we were home.

Slow cooker meals were perfect and he slotted in quite easily to life in our house.

PennyHasNoSurname · 07/11/2015 13:41

I think one half day a week at Nursery will actually be a challenge for dc1. Not frequent enough for him to settle swiftly and long gaps between sessions. Could ypu stretch to two or three half days?

mamapants · 07/11/2015 13:43

I don't understand really, its a pretty normal age gap. And lots of people don't use nursery at all.
I stopped sending DS1 to nursery when DD1 arrived, he was 21months old.
My partner has similar work pattern to you.
It was lovely having them both at home.

Original poster

Chloe94 · 07/11/2015 14:21

Sorry to confuse you dartmoordoughnut I had a blonde moment haha! Good luck in TTC number 2 :) x my son loves his nursery even though it's only half a day a week it works so well at the moment :) but at £25 each time I can't really send him too often, I guess I'm just worried ds1 will feel pushed aside with them both here when the baby needs feeding ds1 won't understand why he doesn't get the same attention? Where as everybody I know who has the same age gap has one dc at nursary so there older child has independance and the new babt gets full attention so its really nice to know how well it works for other parents :) x

OP posts:

itsmeohlord · 07/11/2015 14:26

Not getting the problem here. I had two two years apart with absolutely no family help (all 250 miles away) and a DH who was out of the house 12 hours a day 5 days a week. And no free nursery at all until age 4 Isn't this quite common?

I just got on with it. Hard work, but I am an organised type and I ensured both kids had a lunchtime nap at the same time from a very early age!

Original poster

Chloe94 · 07/11/2015 15:21

I'm 20 years old I have a husband a house + mortgage and a baby and no family help I just asked the question for advice as nobody I knew had a similar situation and I was feeling very worried about what the right thing to do was. I didn't realise it was common because like I said I don't know anyone else who was going through this , and really needed advice, maybe I shouldn't have asked the question :(

OP posts:

OddBoots · 07/11/2015 15:26

Unless you have a disability or problem you haven't mentioned here or you work/study from home you should be fine, two children isn't much more work than one and you will still be in the small child routine if your first is still little.

Many children don't start any kind of nursery until after they are 3, some don't go at all, it isn't essential.

Notimefortossers · 07/11/2015 15:36

You'll cope OP. Everyone does. The newborn stage is hard just as it is when you have your first, but it soon passes and before you know it DC1 will be 3 and getting his 15 hours

Groovee · 07/11/2015 15:40

To be honest I just got on with it! I knew I'd be on my own a lot so ensured my social circle was there and got through the days! Once ds was a bit older it seemed easier as Dd went to school nursery and he was getting to the toddler stage.

poocatcherchampion · 07/11/2015 15:40

You will be fine op. I've got a 3yo a 2yo and a newborn at home and it is interesting but fine. And very common!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 07/11/2015 15:48

I had a 2 year old and twins, i told DD they were her babies, that mommy need to feed/change etc which stopped the jealousy. She also did half day at nursery as she needed the break. You cope because you have to, that said the second baby is easier as you have learnt alot first time round.

NickyEds · 09/11/2015 21:55

I get where you're coming from op. I have a 22 month old and a 16 week old. Ds doesn't go to nursery at all and I have no family help. I find it quite hard sometimes tbh. I just could not justify the expense of nursery but we've got a pre school very local to us and after Christmas ds will have a morning a week there, moving to two mornings after February half term. It's much cheaper than nursery (£9.90 per session which is 3 hours). I really think ds is ready and it will give me a few hours a week when it's just me and dd. I don't think it's in any way odd to consider how you'll cope when planning your family. You'll be fine though, really you will.

Original poster

Chloe94 · 11/11/2015 06:46

Thank you NickyEds, you have really put my mind at ease! :) I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing for my family, it was lovely to read your coment :) xx

OP posts:

Nohopeformethen · 11/11/2015 07:01

Just wait one more year? You have time. Then you will have the older one at nursery and ds will get another year of your undivided attention.

Sleepingbunnies · 11/11/2015 07:08

I had DD2 when DD1 was 2.5, they were both home for the full year of my maternity leave, it was fine )

RoganJosh · 11/11/2015 07:13

My elder one did two half days. Tbh it wasn't much help, managing drop off and pick up was quite stressful and it only gave s couple of hours minus a child.
Our gap was 19 months and I did find it all really hard work, but you just have to lower your expectations and muddle through.

shutupanddance · 11/11/2015 07:15

Oh fgs try and have empathy folks. I totally hear you op, can you wait ttc so that dc1 will have their free nursery hours? I have used nurseries for all my dcs x4 even when not working. Longest I had dc at home was 26 months with dc4, he goes 3 days a week now!

RomComPhooey · 11/11/2015 07:16

Yes, I don't get the rush if you are 20. It's not like when you start your family in your mid 30s and have to cram your pregnancies in before your ovaries disappear in a puff of smoke.

lanbro · 11/11/2015 07:18

18 months between mine, dd1 didn't go to nursery until dd2 was 1. DH worked 7 days a week, no paternity or holidays but we managed. You just do! Lovely age gap now they're a bit older and play together

Greengagesandham · 11/11/2015 21:08

OTOH I have a friend who had her DC's young and can now concentrate on her career, she had small ages gaps. I would do it like that if I could go over again as I had more energy in my 20's.

I've done both with regard to the nursery, having a newborn and having to be at a nursery/school for a specific time was not something I found particularly easy. But similarly when DC2 arrived DC1 was too small for nursery and it was quite lonely at times.

Your DC1 shouldn't feel pushed out if he is going to the nursery already, if you upped the hours and changed the nursery, then I guess you may have to give it more thought. DC1 went of to school when DC3 was born, it didn't go down with her too well tbh!

I wish I had used the Sure Start center a bit more and tried a few more baby groups. I also should have discovered Ocado a bit sooner, you can just get on with it and take them round the supermarket, but why bother if you can have it all delivered. I find it takes the pressure off and on the rare occasion we go to a supermarket now it's for clothes and treats.

Also, the criteria for 2 year old nursery funding seemed to have changed by the time DC3 arrived, it may be worth looking into it. DC4 is able to start at 2 where we live.

MTWTFSS · 26/11/2015 10:02

When DS2 was born, my DS1 was 18 months old and did not start nursery until he was 3 years, 2 months old.

Having both of them at home was hard but lovely :) DS1 doted on DS2, helping me to change his nappy and entertain him with baby rattles.

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