Moving back to Hampshire after 2.5 yrs in rural countryside

[macleash]

I need help!

DH, DD and DS and I moved to rural Wiltshire almost 3 years ago. Left the medium-sized town where we lived in the suburbs since before the children were born. All was good there, great primary, close to work and lots of friends. Not great secondary and house prices high.

We'd outgrown our house and I had always hankered after country life (I grew up in the country). Husband was getting sick of place getting full of traffic and housing developments. By chance we found a beautiful house in a village in Wiltshire - around 1.5 hrs from where we were living. Due to the house price difference it is like a dream home (we couldn't fit a bed into our son's room previously).

I never actually thought the move here would come off (not sure why) so I went along with it whilst feeling rather traumatised as Mum was diagnosed with cancer and I was sad about leaving all our friends and network. Still, the move here meant we would be an hour closer to her.

Moved in, children are now on their 3rd primary school, which is lovely, thank goodness after the others weren't. I have been so homesick I basically had a breakdown after we moved in and am still on anti depressants. Mum got more sick, another type of cancer too. DH's mum died. Amongst other things. So, it's been rather a difficult couple of years.

Wanted nothing more than to go back, espcecially since about 2 months after we moved it was announced that a brand new secondary was opening where we had lived which is sister school to one of the top schools in the country.

DH is happy here despite his 1hr commute 3 x a week, but as I was sad and missing things and isolated, also worried that the children's lives have become very narrow, we started looking back where we came from. The children have only made a couple of 'proper' friends since they have been here. They're 9 and 11 and as DD starts secondary this year and we have now experienced the horrors of moving school, she has to be in position for her whole time at secondary.

We have found a place and have buyers for ours, but this is the problem. DH really doesn't want to go. He wants to stay so much it has made me doubt the whole thing. The process of finding and selling has taken months and hours of debate,and while the children (especially DD) still miss their friends terribly, they don't care what we do. I just think they want to be settled in a 'forever home'. I don't blame them.

I see the practical sides of moving - better secondary school (although no guarantee DS will get back into old school), closer to work, all old friends, sister nearby and can take mum with us to live in an annexe we could build on the house. BUT. We'd have less money (not impossible though) and DH just doesn't want to leave the house, the village, the countryside.

We are now almost nearing exchange and I don't know what to do except cry!! I want to do what's right - can't work out if the benefits of going out weigh the cost and hassle and upheaval, and also a depressed husband.

Pretty sure he would cheer up but so hard to make the decision alone which is what he's asking me to do. If we pull out now then we stay forever - not messing the children about any more. i work from home and do feel pretty isolated at 17 miles from nearest town.

Can anyone help? :-) Thank you for reading :-)

Didn't want to read and run, but maybe post in relationships for more advice?

It's more a difference of opinion rather than a specific area that's the problem I think?

I have no idea. I change my mind most days about where I'd like to live. So many pros and cons!

That's sounds really difficult. First off from your post a 1hr commute 3 x weeks is absolutely nothing. After that it sounds like you wanted the move but it didn't work out how you imagined? Can you reconcile to being in the village or not at all? Is there a middle ground that would work for both of you?

Thanks for your replies :-) I know it's impossible to advise really, to be honest it was very nice to get the whole issue off my chest by typing it all out! People have far worse problems so I need to get a grip really. Thank you though xx

Wow - I do get where you're coming from because I know how depressing it is living in the 'wrong' place for you. But three years with family trauma and working from home is very short to build up a community life in the countryside. It took me over five years to settle in my now well-loved village; relationships here are built much more on time served than they are in town. I don't have very close friends within the village; these are scattered in a wide radius. However, the village is like a family - old, young, rich, poor, well-educated, opinionated - an all-enveloping comfort blanket. If you decide to stay try doing more things outside the home for you - a class, volunteering, whatever. Working from home can be very isolating. What makes DH so happy there - can you join with him in what he enjoys? Whatever you do, look forward not back.

The very best of luck in what you decide.

Have just spent the weekend in Hants visiting relatives, think Junction 7-9 on the M27, and I never, ever, want to move back. I would consider Winchester if we won the lottery, but prefer Cornwall.