How do you find a psychotherapist who has the appraoch which will best help you? Especially those on the SH threads

[electra]

I've come to the realisation that my problems are not going to get any better without psychotherapy, and actually I also think that my dd2 might need some help as well. I have found a long list of people in my area who practice and there are explanations of what approaches they use, such as 'humanist' but I don't know enough to decide who I should approach.

Anyone have any advice? TIA

Thanks swallowedAfly - unfortunately I can't find many of those therapists in my area but I will keep looking. I agree with you about more harm than good wrt an unsuitable approach, and yes I am a self-harmer.

Electra, I am overjoyed that you've decided to seek therapy! Congratulations!

Most good therapists use a combination of thechniques & methods. The best one I ever had was attached to a holistic health & beauty place - sheer luck that I found her, and my loss when she decided to move to California. Her move was prompted by frustration at the "establishment" here, which tends to reward those who stick with one school of thought above multi-disciplinary practise. Paradoxically, psychology tends to be moved forwards by those who do incorporate many different approaches, even borrowing from religions at times.

The Wikipedia portal page for psychology is here. It links to overviews of the main strands of psychology theory; you might find that one or two gel with you; that will help you know where to start looking, and to ask the right questions.

Make sure that whoever you choose is properly qualified - they should definitely be BACP accredited and a degree in psychology is a strong advantage.

All therapies "work"; the differences are a matter of depth, degree and what fits best with your own character. You may well find yourself moving from one style to another, as you get to understand yourself better. In the beginning, it's such a relief to talk to someone who really listens, you more or less begin your own therapeutic process!

Wishing you the very best

Forgot to pass on the very best advice about this!
"Always choose a therapist who seems happier than you."

swallowedAfly, I wasn't thinking of so-called therapies that might be described as la-la navel-gazing, which is why I recommended finding a therapist with BACP accreditation and a psychology degree. I've been in therapy for ten years; I've certainly learned a lot during that time, and have changed fundamentally.

All of the most experienced, and effective, practitioners I've known work with a combination of disciplines according to the client's disposition and needs. As a trained therapist yourself, I'm surprised you made a blanket recommendation to a vulnerable person, whose psychology you know very little about.

Sorry - just seen this - thanks so much for your support I have contacted one person so far but she doesn't have any space for new clients so I am going to try some others. I will let you know when I find someone.

Electra, I don't know anything about your situation so can't offer any specific advice about your situation (and this is not the place to do it anyway really) but I think it's worth (if you are able at this point when thinking about therapy) to think about what sort of approach you'd warm to, and also practically, how long would you anticipate therapy going on for (and even more practically how much can you afford? (if you are going privately).

What I mean is do you get a sense that you see patterns in relationships/ relating to others say, and want a chance to talk, in some depth, about childhood experiences, would you rather focus more on the here-and-now etc...? You're right there are plenty of different types of therapeutic modalities out there, but they differ a lot in focus and typical length of treatment.

Also evidence suggests that it's more about about the 'click' between you and the person you are seeing that predicts the success of therapy, perhaps more so than the approach. The BABCP mentioned above only accredites people from one specific therapeutic orientation, CBT.

Lastly, don't rule out NHS options- it might (well it definately will) take longer to see someone, but there are some really good therapists/ counsellors out there. I'm also aware that some counsellors via GP practices will continue to see people on a private basis is needed, after whatever amount of time they are able to provide on the NHS is up.

Hope that's some help.

< The BABCP mentioned above only accredites people from one specific therapeutic orientation, CBT >

Blimey, really??! Oh dear, I have made a mistake. I'm sorry

No, you didn't get it wrong Grace - you said BACP which is different from BABCP (for CBT therapists).

There is also UKCP for psychotherapists.

And it should be someone that you feel you can build a relationship with as the weeks go by, somebody that you warm to.

I once had a therapist that looked so much like my mother, and it would freak me out every week! Lovely lady, but it just didn't work for me.

Then another woman who had no sense of humour. I have a very dark sense of humour that, admittedly I use as a defence, but she would always look at me like this

Third therapist was the breakthrough for me, lovely lady who I built a connection with, she has helped me more that I can ever really express in words. I have not finished working on myself yet, but for the first time since forever, I am not a mess, and I can start to move forward.

Sorry I am rambling on now. What I was trying to say was, don't feel forced to stick with the first person that you have a session with. They won't take it personally (and let's face it if they do they shouldn't be practicing!) and it is soooo much easier if you feel at ease with the counsellor you are seeing.

And yes good on you for being prepared to do what is needed for you.

Keep us posted.

apologies itsgraceagain that's my mistake- me skim reading posts!

Still having therapy after ten years is not the same as being dependant on it though.

I watched a fantastic video about someone who had schizophrenia who was catatonic at the start, who didn't say a word for 2 years at all (just drooled and rocked) and after three years was 'cured' without drugs, just therapy. She went to therapy for a total of twelve years. The woman was amazing.

her story

< Still having therapy after ten years is not the same as being dependant on it >
Thank you, Laurie

The majority of people with "ishoos" muddle along their whole lives. I chose to change, as electra is choosing.

In the Amazon listing Laurie linked to above, a reviewer wrote: "One thing people without [mental health] problems can't understand is that it is easier to stay sick - that getting healthy is hard work, scary, and LONG!" It is a courageous choice - it's choosing to learn how to live more joyfully, more completely and with confidence.

See if there is a Therapeutic Community anywhere near where you live - or ask your GP. This can give you a group of therapists working with you which is so much better than just one.

swallowedAfly, I can't see where you're coming from. Are you saying that nobody would benefit from extended therapy? That only one school of therapy can be effective? That I'm a therapy addict??!

electra, sorry for going off at a tangent.

Not sure if you'd realised, but you can get good-quality treatment on the NHS; ask your GP for a referral to the Community Mental Health Unit. Persistent depression, self-harming and/or other emotional disturbances, which adversely affect your daily life, are all sufficient reason for a referral. The amount of care you're offered is a bit of a postcode lottery, sadly, due to funding issues. Asking for the help is a great first step, though.

no chance of a personal recommendation from someone you trust? I found a very good "therapist" via the BABCP website - an NHS clinical psychologist with a private practice on the side. My personal bias is towards CBT type approaches - time limited/not delving too much into the past and against counselling (my one experience of counselling was dire). But what suits you may well be different. I would do some more reading around about various approaches, and get a feel for which approaches are backed by research.

You can download the BACP Ethical Framework from here

I'm an accredited member of the BACP. I do not limit therapy for people but instead work towards the ending they choose. I will not be struck off for doing this

There are lots of ways of ethically working with people and you have to be able to prove you are not financially exploiting people or making them dependent on you.

I see some people for very extended periods of time and as an ethical therapist I also go into therapy every year for 6-12 sessions.

Fine, I think it should be compulsory or perhaps part of some sort of registration. As I'm sure you know supervision is ongoing and to do with client care. It's easy enough to also commit to self-care for six weeks a year and have top up sessions.

I also teach it and think that it should be compulsory for students - it is on some courses but not all. I have some students who are very resistant to having therapy.

I also think 'dependancy' is a stage and usually find that after a period of time if the therapist is skilled then the client chooses to come out of that dependancy. With frustrated therapy of around a year or less I find the client doesn't get a chance to work through that dependancy and find their independent self.

I tend to work with people who choose to work longer term though - I only work in one agency where I do short term work (up to 20 sessions) for one day a week. The other days I work I do much longer work - have just finished with someone after 6 years.

I think the whole point is that there is a move to much shorter term work as it's financially beneficial however it is not suitable for all clients.

electra I think it depends if you want to stop self harming or want to sort out why you feel the need to self harm. I self harmed a bit when I was younger and know what a powerful urge it is and how good it can feel at the time.

Deep inside, and you don't need to say it here, you will know what is 'wrong'. I see a psychotherapist who is broadly humanistic. My GP gave me details of the local 'collective' of therapists and I had an asessment session with someone else. She was very nice, but I knew it would be pointless to work with her.

I was also quite specific about what I wanted, someone who knew about emotional abuse, personality disorders, EMDR and childhood abuse and neglect. This felt strange, but it's a bit like going shopping and you need to write a list. I really like the guy I'm seeing, particularly because he has quite a wry sense of humour like myself.

I have achieved more in six months of therapy than I have in the last twenty years. It is hard but also feels right somehow - in this week's session I had an incredibly powerful flashback of what happened to me when I was eight. I'm now 40 and that's the first time I've ever consciously remembered but I've always 'known' IYSWIM.

Good luck.