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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Found make-up on DH's shirt collar.......

45 replies

TippyTumbles · 26/03/2010 15:34

....and it's not mine! DH has a bad habit of letting his dirty clothes pile up at the side of the bed. I was sorting through the pile to put on a wash and found his white 'going out' shirt pushed way under the bed with what appears to be make-up on the collar. It actually looks like foundation on the back of the neck and lipstick on the collar itself.

We haven't been getting on lately but I have no reason to suspect he is playing around. Not sure how to ask him about this - he is likely to get angry and probably storm to the pub for the night. I can't think of any "innocent" reasons for these marks on his shirt - help!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 26/03/2010 17:04

tippy...does he have a problem with alcohol

or a problem with respecting others (namely, you) ?

I am suspecting both

he sounds horrible and I am really not sure why you are still even doing his laundry, tbh

DinahRod · 26/03/2010 17:07

Do you want to be with him? Does he make you happy?

Original poster

TippyTumbles · 26/03/2010 17:07

I did bag up all his dirty clothes and shove them in the bottom of his wardrobe , I even rubbed the inside of a raw chilli over the inside of some of his boxers . Thought better of it though and have shoved everything (apart from said white shirt) into the washing machine.

OP posts:

Original poster

TippyTumbles · 26/03/2010 17:10

Dinah I honestly don't know the answer to that question, sometime I think I do want to be with him but I suspect I am really afraid of being on my own (am almost 44 and never been without a relationship since 17)

OP posts:

Original poster

TippyTumbles · 26/03/2010 17:13

I'm going to go have a bath (and think) before he gets home from work. Thank you to all who have replied, will hopefully be back on here later.

OP posts:

lifeistough · 26/03/2010 17:27

From one who has recently discovered her DH was having an affair, I would ask him straight out in a calm and controlled way and watch his face, I could tell straight away from the panic on my DHs face that it was true.

morningpaper · 26/03/2010 17:29

I gave a friend an air-kiss the other day and totally missed and got lip gloss on his shirt

I was mortified but it can happen if you are a short-arse

FabIsGettingThere · 26/03/2010 17:45

Was it shoved under the bed to be hidden or was there so much laundry it got pushed with the rest?

Whether he is having an affair or not you have problems in your marriage. You should never be scared to talk to your husband.

sherby · 26/03/2010 17:48

My friend found out her DH had lied about going to a strip club because he had foundation all over the crotch of his trousers

AnyFucker · 26/03/2010 18:01

sherby...how unpleasant

Original poster

TippyTumbles · 26/03/2010 18:41

Update he came home whilst I was having a bath. I passed the shirt and asked what the marks were (calmly) and straightaway he said it looks like foundation , I asked him how it got there and he says no idea. I said well it didn't get there by itself and he just shrugged his shoulders. He then says last time he wore that shirt he was out with me so it must be my make-up. I think not because that would mean I had snuggled up to him (I haven't).

Anyways he calmly announced he is going in the bath then out on the beer for the night and did I want him home or not .

I am so

Saturday we will have a Nice day together and he will bug me and bug me until I agree to make love to him (his words) and then we will have a nice spag bol (cooked by me of course)

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 26/03/2010 18:46

the answer to if you want him home is not

tippy, sorry, love, you are acting like a doormat

Mongolia · 26/03/2010 18:49

Exactly, until you agree, but do you realise you also have the right to disagree? Sex as a marital right is quite... unfashioned.

AnyFucker · 26/03/2010 18:50

bullies you into sex ?

nice

Original poster

TippyTumbles · 26/03/2010 18:52

No need to apologise AF I know I'm a flippin doormat. I revisited with him the problem of the peeing/aggression when he's had a drink, and he says he will make an effort to curb it but not until after tonight - yeah right!

Gonna pour myself a voddy n tonic and watch some shite tv.

OP posts:

FabIsGettingThere · 26/03/2010 19:21

you deserve so much better

partytime · 26/03/2010 22:51

I didn't find make up on his clothes, despite checking, but one day he came home from work and all I could smell when he hugged me was a perfume I didn't recognise - he went the next day!!

Aviendha · 27/03/2010 18:25

Have you had a look at his phone or emails?

LeQueen · 27/03/2010 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bossyboop · 29/03/2010 20:34

I'm short too and also have a habit of caking people in make up, but by the sounds of this, whether there is make up on his shirt or not, doesnt sound like he is being very nice to you. But there are horrid tales I could tell about my DH that would make people wonder why we are still together, however, the vast majority of the time he is wonderful and having experienced other partners who had more faults than good points and accepting that I am also not perfect, I keep perspective and we muddle through tricky times. I guess what im saying is it all depends on how much he makes you feel unhappy and how often he is upsetting you because if its more often than not then that isnt good.

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