anyone disown their family?? Will we regret this??

[lisad123wantsherquoteinDM]

Ok I have a wonderful DH and 2 DDs, but MIL and FIl make our life hell, from afar. They live 5 hours drive away but were in the past they have sent nasty texts, letter and made horrible calls here. They have seen dd1 about 4 times in 7 years and DD2 once in 2 1/2years. They disowned us about 3 years ago because DH made a choice to join a religion they didnt agree with. So all was quiet but when dh got cancer he asked me to call them which I did, and they got here a week later, stayed for one night and left. Since then MIL has sent a few bits for the DDs and sent messages via FB. However, this week she had a falling out with her sister, via DH facebook, so FIL called the house to ask dh to take his aunt off his FB
DH wasnt here but i send he would call the next night, he didnt and since then Im getting nasty message from MIL. Im tempted to tell her we want nothing more to do with her, and DH agrees, BUT will we regret this in years to come??

thanks if you got this far

Why would you want these toxic, not to mention extremely childish people in your life?

Your DH has cancer, you need all your energy to focus on that.

I really don't think you will regret cutting them out, focus on your family and your partner and let them get on with their childish lives.

I wouldn't consider formally "disowning" any member of my family but I would step well away and lead your own lives. Who you choose to befriend on FB is nobody's business and I'm sure you know that trouble will follow whatever decision you make about DH's aunt.

Just say nothing and leave them to play out their own personal soap operas.

What Pikelit said. A formal "disowning" will just be more grist to their mill.

yes but if we leave it and just dont get in contact they step up the hassle

lisa123

You do not need such toxic inlaws in your lives at all. These people have brought nothing positive into it.

I would have nothing to do with them, do not get sucked into their powerplays.

You may find reading "Toxic Inlaws" by Susan Forward to be a helpful read.

I disowned my father about 13 years ok. He is a controlling fascist wife beater and I have never had a twinge of remorse. Just be wise someone is a relative doesn't mean they have a right to be in your life. They have to earn it. They sound nuts

If you do not already have it, have caller identity put onto your landline.

Also them sending your family nasty communiques is actually a criminal offence under the Telecommunications Act.

If they continue to formally harrass you by phone and or letter then you may need to talk to a Solicitor.

we have caller id, we got that last time tbh
TBH I do think she has some Mental health problems, pretty serious ones so maybe thats why i feel bad.

Her mental health problems though are her issue, you are not responsible for her mental health.

If the harrassment continues I would be having a word with a Solicitor. Sounds a bit drastic that but it may be the only way forward.

I understand you feeling guilty, especially as there may be mental health problems, but as you can't cure your in-laws or force them to seek help, what can you do?

What wonderfulness will you / DC be missing out on?

I have not seen my evil mother for 5 years, all I think we may have missed is having to buy Xmas gifts for a woman who has put me through hell and possibly a few ill-concieved late birthday / Xmas presents for dd. Pah, no loss.