What to do when you want sex and they don;t?

[tryingtobegrownup]

I've been dating NM for a few months - first relationship since splitting from exH.

Last night we reached that horrible crunch point of not wanting to have sex - him, not me.

We have always had sex every other time we've seen each other, and generally it's been really good.

It turned into a bit of an awkward situation and then we argued (haven;t done much of that yet either), and he called me a spoiled brat and I called him a control freak

Eventually we did actually do it (not because I was begging or anything!!), but it didn;t feel right at all.

In every other relationship I've had I have usually wanted less sex than my partner, inlcduing exH, so it feels really odd - this guy has a good sex drive usually but he seems to make mine go through the roof!

I feel like a teenager without a clue and if it happens again I want to handle it like an adult.

you accept it and have a wank instead

If tables were turned and you didn't want to and he did, what would you expect him to do??

Surely you can go without sex for that night?

what is NM ? New Man?

Beware...my marriage has fallen apart simply because of this issue. It's possible he doesn't have a very high sex drive and has just been high on lust because you were new. I married my dh knowing he would often turn me down....it ended up him not wanting sex ever and it's killed our marriage.

Okay, so it may not be this serious, but you probably need to talk about it. Tell him you're not used to being turned down and wondered if something had upset him. Never get involved with a man that's not that into sex if you love it. A word from the wise...

But ... surely he's "allowed" to not want sex sometimes? If they've been together for a few months, and this is the first time this has come up, surely it isn't indicative of some Giant Problem, but just one of those things ...

Juney we don't see each other often so when we do, I always seem to be bursting

I felt so frustrated that I couldn;t just relax, but didn;t feel I could just up and off into the bathroom or something If I'm honest I also felt rejected to some degree.

I think I find it particularly difficult because this situation in reverse caused a lot of problems in my previous relationship, and I feel really guilty about it, but I don;t really want to have to explain all that to NM.

And so, of course he is allowed not to want it - that's why I feel so awful. It's an issue that I need to deal with before it happens again - which it obviously will at some point.

Sorry Rombouts, yes, NM = new man

If it's bothering you now, then I'd say have a conversation before it gets any worse. Trust me, if it continues (but then I guess it could just be a one off???), then the rejection and frustration will eat away at you and cause problems with your relationship.I agree with Fizz- wish I'd sorted the problem at the start...

Hope it works out! x

is it still called a wank for a woman?

Is it just me or does this seem a bit of an overreaction? So what if he didn't fancy it one night? You need to step back and put this in persepctive. If you go on to have a long term relationship with him, are you bascially saying that you will always have sex with him every single time he wants to, even if you don't particularly feel like it?

I think it can be madmissy or a frig ?

ahhh yes frig