Am pissed of with DHs side of the family.

[DisElfchanted3]

DS1s birthday yesterday, SIL is here from abroad, but doesn't come to see him (has left for home now but was only round the corner)

MIL doesn't come to see him (only round the corner again)

Other SIL lives about an hour away so wouldn't expect her to come, but no phone call, not even a txt plus she was here Thursday , about 10 doors away at his nanas but din't come here to see the kids despite constantly saying on facebook how much she misses them

DHs brother and GF don't visit/call/ txt, but he does bring a present round at the night after DS has gone to bed, he was already coningt hat night as fight was on.

And MIL buys DS a crappy DVD andsignes the card of her and both her daughters - these are grown women, we now that had nothing to do with the card and present -so why put their names on it. Surely a 27 year old can call/ buy a card for her nephew??

Seriously is it too much to expect a 10 min visit if you drive and live 10 mins away or just a phone call if thats not possible?

Is a card expecting too much?! I really don't know if Im being stupid. But how hard is it to just do these things? Its only once a year!

I can understand your frustration, it's definitely not too much to ask at all!

What does your DH say? Were they similarly disinterested as parents?

I think it's really hard to deal with when in-laws seem to have such 'different' family values (or lack of). I get similarly frustrated with MIL

He doesn't say anything. He knows its crap though.

On the other hand my family go totally OTT, so its a big contrast.

I don't want expensive gifts, just a 29p card from them and a phonecall to say happy birthday.

I'm sorry to say that it sounds like the SILs are a bit of a lost cause, so you might have to let them go, or get at them through their mother [see following...]

MIL's (that is, DS's grandmother's) behaviour on the other hand, is a bit shoddy. She ought not to have had her daughters around so near DS's birthday, as she was clearly tied up with them for the week.

Is she an attentive grandmother otherwise? (BTW, could the "crappy" DVD just be poor taste, or were you just calling it "crappy" because you would have preferred to have her there?)

Perhaps the first thing to try is to thank your MIL for the present and card, and mention (trying to sound generous) that she doesn't need to sign for her daughters any more. No comment on the fact that they're old enough to do it themselves. If your MIL is a loving and normal grandmother, she might be relieved to be rid of the burden of something which is her lazy daughters' responsibility?

Her reaction also might let you know whether you can push a bit further and say that you were surprised your SILs visited that week when they should have known she (MIL/GM) was invited - indeed, they all were welcome - to see your son for his birthday. Again, no further comment required. You don't know (or haven't said) whether the SILs are the ones who can't be bothered, or MIL, or all of them.

Hopefully, these hints will be delicate and diplomatic enough to stop SIL's Facebook hypocrisy as well! Good luck!

I know you feel and it frustrates the hell out of me

My DP's mum lives in the next street not even 2 minutes away and the shop were she buys her cigs, milk and bread is opposite our house yet she never pops in but is always in and out of her friends houses for cuppas and chats, the last time she seen our DC was 12 weeks ago on the 23rd of september...a week after our youngest born and she hasnt been here since so she's only seen her youngest GC once

And even worse than that is the fact DP's mum often visits his sister who lives 2 doors away and she hardly ever visits as well and when she does its only to ask to borrow something

Last june the day before DS's 9th birthday DP's sister came here showing off her new tattoo that cost her 30 quid out of her jobseekers, during the visit i mentioned it was DS's birthday the next day and she made her excuses to leave

Next day while on his way back from the shop Ds bumped into her and mentioned that it was his birthday and her reply was "thats nice can you do me a favour ask your dad if i can borrow a fiver for leccy im skint"

My reply was no f*ing way dont you dare give it to her

Wow, MumGoneCrazy, no wonder you have gone crazy! The next time they come round toaskforafavour/ borrow something, don't let them do it at the door, ask them in before they can say anything, and make them sing for their supper talk to you for the privilege of whatever! It may not make them be less scavenging, but might just teach them them that a bit of good manners is needed for any favour! And even if not that, it will make you feel a bit better, for having made them jump through a hoop.

Hee hee

Oh thats the funny thing though everytime she comes round she sits, chats, gives the girls a hug and asks DD1 what she did in reception class that week, then says her godbyes so we're thinking ooohh maybe she dont want anything this time then slips it in just as she opening the door to leave

Dp has a habit of leaving his loose change on the fireplace so maybe she's waiting to see how much is up there before asking

The thing that pisses me off the most is that DP has been out of work for a year and we've been finding it very hard paying our bills, buying food for 5 and a dog and nappies and milk for the baby while trying to save money for birthdays and xmas all out of DP's jobseekers and the child benefit but we manage so why cant she when she only has herself to feed and look after.

MumGoneCrazy, Oh, well, a pity the ploy won't produce a change. But is this the mother or the sister? Wasn't it the sister who lobbed her request for cash at your DS on the street, without even coming in?

DisElfchanted3, so sorry for the quick thread hi-jack. Very rude, I know, and not what you want when faced with other bad behaviour. However, hope you will feel better with at least one apology this week?!

Lol, no worries. Glad to know its just not me.

I think I might let SIL know how I feel. DH said I should, be he wont.

No, indeed, not just you. Though there are plenty of eejits in the world. Sad to feel outnumbered, but you're not alone!

Winged it's the sister who only visits for something usually money and she does normally visit for 5mins first that was the first time she'd asked out in the street
It wasnt the asking that bothered me (well it did just not as much) as the fact he told her it was his birthday and she didnt even say happy birthday

Dp's mum just dont visit for anything
Last year she sent the DC's presents down with DP's sister who tried to pass them off as her own until DP's other sister (who visits all the time and often takes the DC out even though she works fulltime, helps care for her DP's disabled sister and lives an hr away) visited later in the day and said it was her that bought and paid for everything

Diselfchanted Sorry when i start ranting about them i cant stop and DP wont let me say anything and just tells me to ignore them as thats what he does

Maybe I should just forget it and let it drop and just keep saying no when sil asks for stuff and stop trying as the DC dont seem that bothered that they hardly see them

MumGoneCrazy, what about a separate thread? It sounds as though you need to get this off your chest, and need a bit more teasing out of different issues. BTW, it's unbelievable, but now the sister is looking better.

DisElfchanted3, what's up with you? Have you planned what to say?

Oh god no i'd be here day and night typing

The DC would wonder why mummy left them for the laptop

After my little rant on here I've come to an conclusion

DP's mum: whatever. Her loss. She's missing out not me.

DP's sis2: Same as above with the added extra thought of keep saying no hopefully she'll go ask someone else instead

DP's Sis1: Love her. Never makes promises to the kids she cant keep. Allows remembers their birthday and the DC's fave out of DP's family thats why i used her name for DD3's middle name

Ooohh i feel better
I best go make sum lunch before DD2 chews her arm off