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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I wonder how long you go on being unhappy for . . . .

12 replies

scubadoo · 09/10/2009 17:45

I am really struggling with my DH. I am very unhappy / suicidal and don't think I should be feeling like this. My DH is emotionally distant / abusive. Says he loves me but I don't feel loved. I feel worn out, flat and angry. I have called the samaritans once today already. Feeling desperate!

OP posts:

brightwell · 09/10/2009 17:53

I feel for you, I think you need to see your GP asap. Probably not much help this time on a Friday, but you need to make an appt.

missingtheaction · 09/10/2009 18:16

Of course you shouldn't be feeling like this. Call the out of hours GP like Brightwell says - tell them you are feeling suicidal. Do you have family/friends you can go to?

jasper · 09/10/2009 20:13

please seek help.
Do you think you are depressed purely because of your marriage?
Or is there other stuff?

SolidGhoulBrass · 09/10/2009 21:06

To be very blunt: if you live with an abuser, you will go on being unhappy until you either leave or get him out of the house. It can be done. Get onto Women's Aid for sympathy and all the practical advice and info you need. But please bear in mind that if your partner is abusive, the problem is him not you and you need to get rid of him.

Lifeisforliving · 09/10/2009 22:22

Scubadoo, please send a post so we know you're ok...

Original poster

scubadoo · 09/10/2009 23:37

I'm ok. Thanks, I'm out with friends, but I'm not depressed, I'm just so unhappy, and I don't know what to do about it. He refuses to leave and I can't afford to go anywhere yet
Have been depressed and this is not the same.

OP posts:

SolidGhoulBrass · 10/10/2009 02:32

Please call Women's Aid. He can be made to leave, if he's violent. Women's Aid will offer you all the help and support you need to get rid of him, including ways to manage his access to DC without distressing yourself or them.

Original poster

scubadoo · 12/10/2009 00:54

Oh the trouble is he's not violent. He spent about 2-3 days sulking and giving me the silent treatment, with intermittent nasty/sarcastic comments. Finally I said if I'm so awful why are we prolonging the agony? Whereupon he started being nice, baking, cuddling, saying "sleep well" etc. I'm going to spend tomorrow getting my stuff together. Calling the bank etc.

OP posts:

SolidGhoulBrass · 12/10/2009 20:24

OK he doesn't have to be physically violent to be abusive, manipulative and unkind. Did you have much in the way of depressive issues before you met him, or could it possibly be that years of sulking and putdowns have eroded your self esteem?

tiredoftherain · 12/10/2009 22:18

scubadoo, start putting things in place as soon as you can. Get an idea of your finances, go to CAB etc. I put up with a similar situation way too long, and it really starts to eat away at you if you don't face it. I can't pretend it's easy though, but starting the process does bring some relief. Good luck.

Original poster

scubadoo · 18/10/2009 08:15

I called the bank to talk about changing the mortgage. He opened their letter first and has hidden it. I do feel very trapped. Wouldn't say i was especially depressed before I met him.

OP posts:

picmaestress · 18/10/2009 21:39

You won't go on being unhappy for much longer, you can't. If you're suicidal and violently unhappy, it's a matter of survival, and you need to be brave, and get the f%ck out of there. Just pack a bag and go to a friend, take your DCs if you have any if need be. If your feelings are that rocky, it's vital you remove yourself from the situation, and make some decisions.

It's important for you to know that there's a brighter future for you out there somewhere, and you have to be proactive in getting there.
Remember that when it all feels a bit shit.

Please come back here if you need more support - a lot of us have been through similar.
Please don't do anything stupid or impulsive, I know it's vile when you feel so trapped, but you have to have hope. Even if it's only a tiny little glimmer, it'll get bigger and brighter the closer you get to sorting it all out.

Take care of yourself.

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