Good friends DS is wrecking my house at playdates - how would you handle this?

[Jujubean77]

DD has a best friend, little boy, from birth, same age 3. They get along really well and play nicely, I get on exceptionally well with her mum and we are close friends.

The things is her other little boy 15m is really quite full on -bless him- the problem being he picks up every toy book crayon whatever really and hurls it across the room, I know this is somewhat normal behaviour for his age but last playdate I had torn books, broken and lost toys (nice ones) crayon marks on the wall and it really looked like a bomb hit it. This doesn't seem right to me.

The mum does reproach him and say "no" but doesn't remove him from the situation and I feel uncomfortable saying or doing anything myself.

How would you deal with this - shall I just have a total clearout of the playroom before they come?

does she clean up after him?

I'd meet them outside in parks and cafes and soft play or their house so its not your house that's trashed

No she doesn't clean up after him - good suggestion about meeting away from home actually....

Message withdrawn

Not as much no, it is odd. God knows how I bring it up without offending her though...

If I have toddlers visiting us then I hide all the library books, any craft stuff like crayons and anything fragile or precious. I agree that his Mum should stop him from doing it, but I also believe in removing temptation if at all possible.

oh no, i feel for you because I am the mother of that child.
well, i mean not that specific child (i don't think), but I happen to own a bit of a whirlwind and tbh I dread going to people's houses because he is a bit of a nightmare.

doesn't matter if I move him away from stuff, he'll just start on something else. there is little you can do with a child like that unless you want the mother to literally pin him down for the duration???

i would def second the suggestion of meetying either at her place or somewhere completely different.

Why worry about offending his mum - what about her lack of action upsetting you?

Either meet elsewhere or only have chunky, non-breakable toys out. Maybe stuff from charity shops/car boots that you've picked up cheaply. No books, no crayons, nothing delicate or fiddly. If she comments, just explain that you can't afford to replace all the lost/broken/torn stuff.

I agree with meet elsewhere particularly if she is trying to calm him. I have one of those at the moment and I spend my life running after him saying no. It's bloody exhausting and I am well aware of how annoying it is. I think if someone told me to keep more of an eye on him when I was clearly doing my best, I might just break! So meet elsewhere until this phase passes (it does pass doesn't it???)

I always hide jigsaw puzzles, anything else with lots of pieces, crayons and anything weapon-like before all playdates.

If he's really bad (and 15mth-olds can be), can't you just get a selection of easily-cleared-up toys out, then when they go to leave, involve all the children in clearing up?

But Uriel, in the OP she says that the mum is trying to keep him under control but with limited success.

If you've got a lively 15 month old, just saying 'no' doesn't cut it. It's also odd that he doesn't behave in quite the same way at his own house.

Thank you all - I think he goes into sensory overload at ours - it is all new and exciting.

I may suggest a meeting outside venue and when they do come to ours I will strip the room. Have decided not to confront i just wouldn't know what to say - I know what I want to say though lol.....

This kind of nightmare can break up a friendship like nothing else can. There's only so much repainting and replacing of toys and books that one woman can put up with. Hide all the breakable, tearable and precious stuff. Meet to play outdoors or at some unbreakable location. It's only a matter of time before someone gets hit by a flying toy and gets really hurt. Or one of the older boys will throw something back.

I would get up and pick up the toddler and take him back to the mum, with a smile and without a word, if he starts letting it rip.

Put away the good stuff, and practice saying "no no sweetheart, lets not set the cat alight/draw on the walls, etc"

Perhaps your friend thinks you are ok with it?
In any case, it is YOUR house - set your own rules!