I've lied about my age on my dating profile - am I bad??

[sparkybint]

I'm a bit of an online dating veteran and know that it works from personal experience. I've decided to give it another go after my last relationship ended a couple of months ago but I've lied about my age on my profile and knocked 3 years off (I'm actually 51, so I'm 48 on my profile). The reason? A lot of men, even those considerably older than me, will put 50 as their upper limit in searches so my profile doesn't even get looked at.

I look much younger (commonly taken for late 30s/early 40s) so they won't be getting a nasty surprise when they meet me. I'm worried though that if I do meet someone I like, I won't want to hide my real age from him. In fact I know I won't be able to, so was wondering when the best time is to come clean. I was thinking 3rd or 4th date, if anything gets that far, so we haven't invested too much but know that there's potential. Which of course I may have killed stone-dead by lieing about my age...

a lady never reveals her age so dont worry bout it - you arent trying to say your twenty one so forget it .

Hmm. I'd come clean about it pretty early, in case you do start a relationship. Best to be honest.

its only 3 years - not 15! don't fret - just mention it eary on.

good luck with the dating - hope you get a better specimen this time!

Well I had a profile on one of the dating sites and I haven't updated it, so that was three years ago... I am now three years older. So, technically speaking I have lied too... (should I go on that site again and use the same profile)... don't worry about it, say something like... 'well I made a frail attempt three years ago to go on this dating site, but didn't follow thru'... then say you picked up where you left it and didn't correct the age thing...

hmm I can see why you want to do it. But if a guy did it to me Id be wondering what else hed not quite told all the truth about.

Seems like I'm not doing anything too awful then....and that's a good one Kally, I can just feign ingorance! But probably best to be honest, if/when I meet someone I like.

It does really annoy me though, all these men in their 50s wanting relationships with women 20 years younger - I wonder if any of them have any luck?

3 years is nothing. If they are men of 65 putting 50 as their upper limit, then they deserve to be lied to... eejits.

good luck. wonder why you're bothering! but gl.

Thanks maggievirgo. Yes, sometimes I wonder why I'm bothering as well! Very content on my own with DD and friends so what do I want a bloke for??? I'm certainly not afraid of ending up a crazy old biddy with a cat. Are you happily solo?

DH lied about his age when he was replying to my ad as I'd said I wanted to meet someone between 26 and 35... he was 36.

When I found out I wasn't remotely bothered!

God that annoys the hell out of me (not what you've done) but the idea some men have that only someone decades younger than them is suitable

I have a friend who is 45 who wants a 'blond, thin 20-30 year old.' He's got about as much chance as I have of getting a lie in with the urchins about

Yeah sparkybint, if I stop to think about it, more content now than i've been for years. Have my friends, have my kids, saving, working , getting on with things! enjoying life. why risk jeopardising it? If i did go out there and look, I think my motivation would be to conform, to appear happy and settled for other people's sakes...

If I listen to my friends moaning about their husbands never being there, I wonder 1) why they care, which is odd of me I know, and 2) i think please can you be a bit less dependent on that very average man when you're so lovely yourself! ALSO,,,, if you read relationships board then that's the absolute clincher!!

But good luck anyway! If you can have fun, great. I know it would just wear me out!

Well, now you've really got me thinking maggie!
I reckon I'm well on the way to being happier than I've been in my life and I'm on my own and perhaps that's the answer! I've had one shit unsatisfactory relationship after another and maybe I should just give myself a break!

In fact, I'm going off to start a new thread about women needing men like fish need biycles or something! (actually what I really miss is cuddles and being pampered but I can't really think of anything else...)

oh good! I think!, I mean, I'm not anti-men, and if it happens one day, it'd be only because somebody I was friendly with became more.

I guess when it boils down to it, I want a happy life more than I want a man. I KNOW I can be happy without a man.

Can I be happy with a man? Not that sure tbh - Never really have been for very long in the past.

And could I be happy looking for a man!? Definitely not!!

Although, I think I'm lucky, I am quite chilled out reading the paper with a cup of tea in the back garden. I love socialising though but I don't care that all my friends are women. Maybe I'll care one day, but right now, it's stressfree!

That's nice to hear and you sound very like me. I like my own company and I like socialising but my friends are all women too.
I like the idea of someone I'm friendly with becoming something more but it's not ever happened to me before. Perhaps I should just stop trying to make it happen; it's just that at my age you feel that time's running out...

I wasted my 20s waiting for it to happen, and it never really did. Not really. I went out with one guy in my 20s for years but eventually ended it. It wasn't right. But I realised, I'd been passive and let him 'pick me' when we were very young.

Towards 30, bit more panic.... but I was still 'young' and hopeful. I was looking though. Looking and hoping and waiting. Eventually almost inevitably now I realise, I ended up with the wrong man. I was too scared to stop looking. What was the worst that could have happened/?

Now I am heading for forty and I feel younger now (well, more positive definitely) than I did when I was 30. And the difference is, I think, that I've stopped waiting for this big something to happen. I don't think it will, and for me that's ok. I am not scared of being single so it doesn't shape my decisions anymore, I allowed that fear to back me in to a corner and make bad choices when I was in my early 30s.

BUT.......... you live and learn! eventually! The fuck-ups are behind me now. That's such a relief to me.

Thanks Maggie, it's good to hear and I'd love to think that the fuck-ups are behind me too - I'd never looked at it that way! Can I ask you one thing though; what about sex, do you miss it?

Sometimes, but not terribly, and besides, the relationships I#ve been in, I wouldn't associate them with great sex, so maybe I don't make the automatic connection. Man=good sex. Wouldn't say never ever! Not planning to make a virtue out of celibacy! Has just worked out that way.