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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just a thankyou to whoever recommended that Lundy Bancroft book about abuse!!

10 replies

Ryn · 24/06/2009 15:04

It has made everything make more sense. It is my exp to a tee. I can now stop looking for reasons as to his behaviour as I have an explanation of sorts.... he is an abuser, pure and simple, both physically and emotionally!

AND, all of the threats and actions I have been through are right there in the book, including fighting for custody!

I recommend it to everyone that is or thinks they are suffering abuse and want to make some sense of it!

Thanks AGAIN!!!! 18 months after seperation, I feel like things are clearer and can stop blaming myself and making excuses for his behaviour!

'Why does he do that? Lundy Bancroft'...... bought it on Amazon!

OP posts:
junglist1 · 24/06/2009 16:29

I read mine cover to cover! My P is an entitled type (as well as a right twat obviously).

missylea · 24/06/2009 16:51

Hi ive just bought the book of amazon. Just hope it works for me like it did you's ladies thanks

sunfleurs · 24/06/2009 18:24

It is unbelievable that book. It saved my sanity, truly. I don't know why but it also helped me greatly that it was written by a Man. There is at least one of them who "gets it".

Junglist your ex sounds remarkably similar to mine, I feel utter horror that their may be two such similar, monstrous "men" out there.

junglist1 · 24/06/2009 19:07

I went all soft on ol Lundy, I didn't realise a man could be so nice. And normal.

Digitalis · 24/06/2009 22:24

There's more than just two Sunfleurs, I had an abusive partner too. If it wasn't for Lundy's book I might well still be there with him.

Just wish abusive behaviour wasn't such a well kept secret!

junglist1 · 24/06/2009 22:30

It's so, so common. I have 20 odd female friends and 10 of us are either emotionally or physically battered, one has been beaten with a stick, one has had her rib broken.

Katisha · 24/06/2009 22:34

Yes that book helped someone I know get out of a long-standing verbally and emotionally abusive realtionship, and to see it for what it was. Also that other book by Patricia someone about verbal abusive.

mumonthenet · 24/06/2009 22:42

It is a great book about the kind of abuse which shows no bruises or broken bones.

As digitalis says, this kind of abuse is such a well kept secret....and it shouldn't be.

sunfleurs · 25/06/2009 09:42

The very worst thing about it is that you don't even know yourself for so long. It can be so sneakily and cleverly done for example the never, ever complimenting you on anything thing that a lot of them do. You see them complimenting others so you really do little by little think it must be you. You try harder and harder to make them like you or think you are a decent person and lose more and more confidence and before you know where you are you are a nervous wreck. That was really how exh started out I would say and just got worse and worse.

I know there are loads like him, have read you other posts Junglist and they just sound so similar.

cestlavielife · 25/06/2009 11:39

yes the book was a revelation for me too.

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