Wow! Really don't know what to say to my Mum!

[fisil]

I just opened the post. A handwritten letter from my Mum. It's unlike anything I've ever heard her say or seen her write before. I find that she can be so critical, and she annoys me a lot, I guess we have a fairly normal mother-daughter relationship. But this letter is bordering on emotional and is really lovely.

She'd been going on at length recently (she goes on at length about a lot of things) about how she was due to receive some backpay from a pay rise she should have got in Septembet. And there in the envelope is a cheque for the full amount of the backpay! And she signs off the letter: "We love you very much and you are a very special daughter who means a great deal to us. Mum"

It's wonderful, I'm very touched, very moved, and I feel very lucky. But it's also just so strange and just not like our usual relationship - I just have no idea how to respond - I think I feel embarassed. My instant response was that I couldn't accept it. But that's because it is just so unusual and embarassing. I hope she doesn't ring any time soon - I really can't think what to say to her (I mean, apart from Thank You, of course). And I think she'll be embarassed too. What should I say?

aww that's so lovely - she obviously really cares a lot for you - even if she doesn't often put it in words very well.

Not sure what you should say.

That's lovely!
She probably wrote it all down as it's not soemthing she'd be able to say face to face or on the phone. I would phone her and just say thank you, and then the conversation will probably go onto its normal tone.

Gosh the same thing happened to me a few years ago. I was at lunch with my Mum and she gave me a card with a poem on it about how I was her special little girl. She'd never done anything like it before. Part of me was touched and part of me was a bit annoyed because it seemed like a strange gesture after all these years!

I thanked her but didn't really respond in any other way... It's so hard when your relationship has been a certain way for so many years!

Since then there have been a couple of incidents where she's hugged me or suddenly said "I love you" and I have not known how to respond. I am more generous towards her though - I will buy her spontaneous presents etc. which I never used to do.

Perhaps you could just write your mum a lovely thank you note and take her for lunch or something?

fisil, i think she has most probably been very worried about you. She obviously cares and loves you very much and maybe see's fault in the way she treats you and feels bad that she doesnt change, but cant because it is who she is. This is most probably her way of showing that she realy loves and cares deeply for you. How lovely, you deserve it x

I would write to her and thank her for the money and the lovely letter and tell her how much you appreciated both. Maybe send her a nice card so you don't have to write loads if you're not comfortable doing so. After that just carry on as before.

I would write to her and thank her for the money and the lovely letter and tell her how much you appreciated both. Maybe send her a nice card so you don't have to write loads if you're not comfortable doing so. After that just carry on as before.

I would write too and thank her - and I would definitely accept the money. Maybe this is her way of holding out an olive branch and trying to repair any damage she's done with her criticism etc. - you don't want to throw it back in her face. Possibly she's just someone who can't help being critical but when she thinks it over afterwards wishes she hadn't. And, like fio says, she's probably been very worried about you.
She obviously loves you to pieces and perhaps this is the best way she can find to express that.

Thanks for your advice. I have written a note and will pop it in the post now so that she gets it before we next speak.

I've just realised that she is currently going through all of my Granny's papers (she's in the process of taking power of attorney) and keeps telling me about lovely letters she's come across. So I have deliberatly kept my note simple and direct, with no "in" jokes or references to things that might be forgotten in 20 years time, so that she can rediscover it when she's old!

fisil, have u wrote the note already and posted it? i was goin to say it would be nicer to send a bunch of flower with a simple 'thank you' note