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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

to anyone thats spilt up/divorced when did you realise it was over?

31 replies

lovelysongbird · 25/07/2008 21:19

?

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 25/07/2008 21:21

hum, well when ex-H came home and said it was over. I am still struggling to come to terms with it.

notasheep · 25/07/2008 21:22

He said " I dont want the responsibility or commitment anymore"
So then it was over

eidsvold · 25/07/2008 21:24

when I got home one day to a letter left on the kitchen table from my ex husband telling me he had left with my best friend who had also left her husband that day.

JumpingDizzy · 25/07/2008 21:26

I knew 2 years before I left but couldn't leave because dh was under a lot of stress.
We're still good friends though once the dust settled. We had lived like brother and sister though.

Original poster
lovelysongbird · 25/07/2008 21:30

sorry to hear this cs nas ad v must of been quite a shock to say the least

jd, do you think your dh was shocked or expecting it?

OP posts:
JumpingDizzy · 25/07/2008 23:57

he was shocked to the core. I tried everything to save our marriage but it was one sided. Sometimes people take others for granted though.

liahgen · 25/07/2008 23:59

when my then 6 yr old dd told me

"You're not even cross with me, you're cross with daddy and that's not fair"

had just really told her off for something really not very important.

NotDoingTheHousework · 26/07/2008 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

charliecat · 26/07/2008 00:07

About 6 months before i finally ended it for good. Was waking up thinking i cant do this anymore. Looking at him thinking i didnt want to be with him anymore. The final straw, I think was him getting out of bed and making himself a coffee and not making me one.
I was well aware of the fact that if I was a new girlfriend he would be making me a coffee and asking if i wanted toast with it...
Didnt wanna live with someone that thought so little of me, wasnt doing me any good.

liahgen · 26/07/2008 00:10

at notdoingthehousework. same ex spiked my drink in same way once, scared the life out of me.

Monkeytrousers · 26/07/2008 00:20

it's not over till it's over. Those is the facts

Original poster
lovelysongbird · 26/07/2008 13:17

thanks for sharing that with me.

lifes hard sometimes.

OP posts:
fanjolina · 26/07/2008 19:55

what's your situation lovelysongbird?

Original poster
lovelysongbird · 26/07/2008 20:00

oh me and dh had a row last night
hes getting stressed at work etc
but he said sorry to day and that he wont reaise his voice in front of our baby again

OP posts:
fordfiesta · 26/07/2008 20:05

it ended when i lost my respect for him.....still loved him though!
Hope you get sorted. xx

ranting · 26/07/2008 20:13

Well I pretty much knew it was doomed when the first thing he said to me after we married was 'You're mine now'. It took me 8 months and the sudden thought that if I was going to be accused of having an affair with the bloke at work/window cleaner/milkman/binman, I may as well actually have one, that I realised I had to end it. Never got round to the affair though!

Ohireallyshouldnt · 26/07/2008 20:40

When i was walking through the drizzly rain with my 18m son in a pushchair to feed the ducks at 5.30pm on a Sunday night in October 2004. Its that specific. My husband had just come home from London after another weekend bender of drink and coke (he was in a band and playing a gig). I had been alone all weekend (again) and he was lying on the sofa "resting". My hair was frizzing up, i was sobbing, my son was saying "quack quack" and i hated my husbands guts all of a sudden. It was never the same again and we split within a month.

VictorianSqualor · 26/07/2008 20:58

The morning after I had caught him with someone else and he said to me 'What happened to your face?' (he'd given me a black eye for having a go at him..)
It took me a week to actually do it though.

littlewoman · 27/07/2008 10:34

When I stopped trying to rescue a situation that was beyond my control, and cut him out of my life.

beanieb · 27/07/2008 10:36

When my feelings for someone else became so strong I couldn't ignore it.

But I did know it was crap for about 6 years when his drinking got heavier and I stopped caring where he'd been all night. I just wasn't brave enough to do anything about it.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 27/07/2008 10:52

I knew things hadn't been going well for a while as we never spent any time together.

However the light bulb moment came when my now ex-h told me to be quiet as I was keeping him awake when I was sobbing in bed because I was so unhappy and lonely.

fawkeoff · 27/07/2008 14:31

i suppose it was over when i started seriously questioning if i couls be with him and lwt him see other women i just didnt want the sexual relationship with him at all.....i can honestly say that i did it out of duty, but i was just so scared to be on my own.......things came to a head a few months ago, and he has someone new........knew it was right because i dont care one bit

fuzzywuzzy · 27/07/2008 14:38

Ermm realised it was over when I discovered he'd emptied out our joint bank account......

RambleOn · 27/07/2008 15:12

Only weeks ago. I have just found out he is having an affair and I am pg with our second DC. I was alternating between wailing on the sofa and puking in the kitchen sink.

When I looked in the garage, he was singing and dancing (literally) to the radio without a care in the world.

Turns out he was fitting a towbar to his van so he could pull a caravan for weekends away with his other foetus woman (she is only 17yo)

Haven't cried about losing him from this moment on. Only from my DCs losing their father

sandy4 · 27/07/2008 16:26

when he kicked the cat