Is his relationship with his sister creepy?

[Jasmine205]

Would a man who asks his sister for constant advice normal and who also constantly praises her as if she’s god’s gift? Also for example if you make a suggestion on something for his look that you would find attractive but he says let me ask my sister & when she says no don’t do it he listens to her? He has utmost respect for his sister and not his partner. Even to the point of saying his sister loves him more &’does more for him. She also gets involved in arguments & tells him how to respond. Is this normal? How would one navigate this situation? Thanks!

F

Doomed .
I wouldn't contemplate a relationship with a man like this.

Run .

You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of resentment and upset. Find yourself a grown up man that can make up his own mind.
big hugs x

Run a mile.

I don’t actually think the sister is the problem here; the relationship just sounds like a mess in general.

Dump him.

If this was a girl best friend scenario I’d be saying run far away…..and even in this one my response is the same.This is not normal and I’ve never dated anyone this ‘close’ to any other female apart from myself

I did have a colleague who's partner had this dynamic with his sister. They had both been in care and had quite a strongly formed codependency.
It did cause quite a bit of difficulty for the first few years but he gradually separated his life from his sister and now they've been happily married for many years with lovely children.
They don't see the sister much sadly as she couldn't ever understand why he needed his independence from her.

If you don’t like how close he is with his sister then leave. It’s a fight you will never win, she’s not your competition. Totally different relationship.

i don’t think it’s creepy to have a close relationship with your sibling, especially if they didn’t have a great childhood. Sometimes, in those circumstances, your sibling might be the only constant you’ve ever had in life.

My dh was like this with his sister , just before I met his parents he said ‘ I don’t really care if they don’t like you , but my sister needs to’ or words to that effect . They are really close in age and moved around a lot as kids, he said sometimes the only people they knew were each other. Luckily shes a normal person and was relieved he was finally coupled up, i really like her we get on well and but I let them crack on together without me as well. When we are all together I can ‘ tell on him’ if he’s pissed me off, I can list all his shortcomings and she’ll berate him and take the piss, which I thoroughly enjoy . They don’t see each other that often now probably every other month and holidays , we all go away together every year.
she doesn’t interfere with our relationship though, i know he complains about me sometimes to her because they’ve both told me! But she seems to give him sensible advice which usually ends with ‘ ‘well you’ll never do any better bro’ .
so really I think it comes down to whether shes a manipulative cow and all round interfering poisonous bitch, or whether you feel a bit threatened by their relationship and in competition with her. Has it gone too far for you two to get on do you think? Is it worth a shot at having a truce and seeing if you can find some common ground?

I think is ask if he asked her permission to date you.

You'll know everything you need to know then.

I wouldn't contemplate it.
I'd be long long gone.
Creepy, not healthy nor normal at all.

This will be your life.
It's not good at all that you are thinking in terms of navigating it.

This reminded me of the episode of Friends where Rachel dates that guy who is weirdly close to his sister and they had baths together 😂

In answer to your question, yes it's weird. Bin him.

I don’t know, the bit about him respecting his sister and not his partner because he would take her advice over something the partner suggested about his look that they would find attractive is all sorts of weird - from the partner. If I had a partner give me a suggestion about my look so I would be more attractive to them I would tell them to fuck off. It’s no surprise his sister is saying don’t do it. Weird.

It’s not a situation I would want to navigate from either perspective.

Red flag!

Fast shoes and run away. Now. Ick

Does he have a mum around because it sounds like she is acting like a mum. There might be good reason why things started like this but it’s going to be frustration and anger if you pursue this relationship.

I’m not saying that adults should have this kind of relationship with their mum btw because there’s a thin line between supportive and controlling and this sounds controlling. How sad that he lacks the confidence of an opinion.

He is enmeshed with his sister and she will always be first. He will not be able to hold down a healthy relationship with a girlfriend.

Weird. Dump him.

Doesn't sound creepy but definitely way too enmeshed and its unlikely to allow a good relationship with a romantic partner.

This, if a man was saying to a woman, “you need to change to be more attractive to me” I can imagine her brother wouldn’t be too pleased either!

Why is everything taken out of context by some posters. If you had read the original post it states that he had asked my opinion on something he wanted to do to his look. Specifically he himself was considering a style of beard nothing drastic! He asked me if I think that would look attractive & I said yes! I in no way told him he needed to change his look to be attractive to me, he asked my opinion & I said yes that would look nice. It’s not like I told him to get plastic surgery or something he asked if I liked something as simple as that! So strange that’s what some posters focus on

I wouldn't like it i need my partner to be a fully functional adult