Help. I have to interview a man I shagged years ago!

[Blastfromthepast04]

Name changed for this one and just this post.

I'm a researcher. I have to interview a man in a week's time. We've had email conversations up to now and I need to send him some questions in advance and are having a Teams call in a week's time.

The problem is I've shagged him. When I was a student we had a casual relationship. I finished it because I felt I deserved more than that. He's older than me, by 12 years.

You can see from the user name how long ago it was. My surname is different now and I was a student. He won't know what I went on to do. I am different too, but my hair is the same colour, but longer.

I must admit I am curious, but have no desire at all to start anything up with him. Just to be clear.

Do you think he will remember me? I hope not. He's given no indication on any of the correspondence I've had with him. I can't get out of it, really.

How would you handle this?

Isn’t it a conflict of interest? Could someone else do the interview with your questions?

I think you have to … er… withdraw from the process and tell your colleagues that you fear you may know him/have friends in common so it wouldn’t be right to be on the interview panel.

I would let someone know that I couldn’t conduct the interview as you knew him in a personal capacity, no need to elaborate but just be clear that they need to find a replacement.
(this does clearly only work if you’re not self employed/working totally solo or whatever and have other colleagues 😂)

Do you mean job interview or interview for research?

Should you be interviewing people you know (in any way)?
i think you need to ask someone else.

Ask a colleague to undertake the interview on your behalf. Perhaps he doesnt yet know you but its not fair for him to see its you when he joins the team meeting

Research. Not a job.

As you're a researcher, I assume you're not interviewing him for a job so I would conduct the interview in a professional manner and assume he'd moved on with his life over the last 20 years in the same way you have

No way I would do that. Surely the research would also be open to criticism given it’s unlikely to be undertaken in unbiased circumstances.

I'm in research and I wouldn't interview someone I had slept with. Even more so if they weren't expecting to be interviewed by me, I'd not feel comfortable with that dynamic. Sorry OP I think if someone else can do it that would be better.

Well, they’ve been in email contact, so, assuming he has any memory of the OP, he’s had a chance to decline her as an interviewer.

Ah sorry I thought she had a different name now and so he wouldn't have made the connection. That's what would make me concerned but fair enough if not the case!

You should withdraw. Massive conflict of interest. Depending on what you’re researching for it could invalidate the whole process.

Are you sure it’s definitely the same person and doesn’t just have the same name. Otherwise i think you should just make it clear to work that you already know this man and so it wouldn’t be right to interview him. They don’t need to know the full details as none of their business.

Of course he'll remember you! 😂

Use the interview to get feedback on your sexual techniques?

1. What was the best sex you ever had?
2. Do you have "one that got away"?

Hopefully these are applicable to your job.

Recuse yourself. Not fair on either of you.

I’m a qualitative researcher. You need to excuse yourself from conducting the interview. It just isn’t appropriate to put him in that situation from an ethics perspective. Ask a colleague to complete it or you need to be honest with him and cancel.

Id style it out, ask him how hes been and exchange the usual pleasantries then switch to professional mode as if youve never given him a second thought after the relationship ended..

Depends what the research is. If it something very personal, then it’s probably more appropriate it’s not someone he knows. If it’s research on something more neutral, like some organizational aspect of his profession, then it’s not a problem for you to interview him ( unless there were some complicating factors in your relationship. ). Even if it’s a neutral research topic, you should give him a heads up that you used to date and ask him if he would prefer another interviewer. .

(I used to work in research)

Researchers have a responsibility to treat research participants ethically. You should be transparent with him before the interview and offer him a different interviewer, or the chance to withdraw. Surprising him on the day would absolutely not be okay.

Ask him what 'position' he's applying for and what are his 'skills'. 😂

As an ex-academic & ethics committee member I'd say that if he's a research participant who is required to give informed consent to be interviewed then he needs to be informed in advance about who is interviewing him. I'd contact him explaining your change of name and that you've met (!) and check he's still happy to go ahead. Otherwise you risk placing him in a position of disclosing stuff he would only reveal in a relatively anonymous situation & feeling exposed when he realises who you are (less of a risk if you're researching soap powders rather than sexual fantasies, but I guess the principle still applies). If you still know people in common, I'd also reassure him of confidentiality and I'd check that co-researchers/ supervisors don't think there's any issue methodologically in participants being known to you.

The OP states in the OP that they've changed their surname since they got married so he probably hasn't made the connection

Just say you were friends many years ago, but wouldn’t feel comfortable interviewing him so please could they find somebody else. No big deal.