Hi!
This is a very long story, so bear with me.
I'm friends with a woman in her 30s. We met at a baby group a few years ago. We both had young children, started visiting each other's houses, arranging playdates and gradually became friends.
To be honest, I disliked her husband from day one. He comes from a different religious background and, from what I've heard him say, his views on women are extremely old-fashioned. In his opinion, a woman's role is essentially to have children, cook, clean and provide sex for her husband.
For the first couple of years, I kept my opinions to myself. I tried not to judge, listened to her and supported her whenever she needed someone to talk to.
But over time, the stories have become increasingly difficult to listen to.
He regularly disappears overnight, supposedly to visit a friend. She will spend all night crying, sending me messages. He takes large sums of money out of their joint account, and there always seems to be another explanation or excuse for his behaviour. She somehow manages to turn every situation around and convince herself that he's actually a good husband and a good man.
Locally, he has quite a reputation as a serial cheater. There are even rumours that he has a child with another woman, although I obviously cannot confirm that. But other people saw him at nursery graduation for that child.
The strange thing is that she has gradually lost almost all her friendships. I think people simply reached their limit and couldn't keep listening to the same stories, followed by her defending him and making excuses for everything.
She is also in a very difficult place mentally. She's on medication, has therapy and is clearly struggling.
And this is where I feel like an awful person.
I genuinely feel sorry for her. I know she's unhappy, and I understand that leaving a relationship isn't always straightforward. I have tried to be a good friend and support her, even when I strongly disagree with her choices.
But I'm now at the point where I have to fight with myself just to listen to her. Whenever she starts talking about him, I feel completely drained. Part of me wants to scream that she needs to wake up, but I know that wouldn't help either.
I find myself wanting to cut the friendship off completely, not because I don't care about her, but because I simply cannot keep being emotionally involved in this situation.
Has anyone else been in this position?