What happened?

[DatingAgain3]

Having finally got back out there following a painful breakup I matched with someone with “here just for friends”.

Now, we all know that’s a euphemism for a situationship or fwb. But being new, I wanted to clarify. He replied: For me it means getting to know each other, be friends, see if there’s a spark, maybe become intimate and see how things go.

Now, I thought that described how relationships develop. So I said “yes, I think that’s what I’m looking for too”

he responded: cool. Let’s meet.

Then I really thought about it and realised that there is a big difference between dating with intent and this rather wishy washy attitude. So I messaged that I was looking for a proper relationship.

He deleted me! 😂😂😂

It's normal for online dating.

It's nothing you did. Also - a number of men will claim to want a relationship but either not want that or want it but be incapable of it.

The number of eligible men there is LOW x

Is that really normal? Wow. I mean I thought as a basic courtesy he would say something along the lines of “thanks for being honest” which is what I would have done if it was the other way round. I mean it’s just basic manners isn’t it?

Basic manners are in short supply when OLD. This is sadly normal, but at least he’s shown his true colours quickly. Many don't.

It was just so ironic that he said he’s looking for someone kind and then does that!

I am wondering what kind of woman he is expecting to find because he’s basically saying he wants a fuck buddy but dressing it up as something more ambiguous

Honestly, PP is right, there's a whole lot of weirdos/losers on OLD. However, there is also the odd really nice one lurking there somewhere. It's a numbers game, as people often say. Just take everything with a pinch of salt when you are chatting/meeting potential people, and keep it light and have a bit of fun! I never went on a OLD date where I didn't have a nice chat, even if it didn't lead anywhere.

The thing is he seemed actually really nice. Was interesting and interested, but it was like the moment I realised we were looking for different things, and said so, he vanished. I mean he could have said just one more message to say thanks for being honest and take care. But no. He had to just disappear abruptly

He obviously had quite good social skills (quite a rarity in itself on OLD) but that's all it was, you have to learn to move on and look for the next one. It all sounds pretty brutal, but you do actually get used to the shallow treatment after a while. And, as I said, if you can keep it light, it is fun.

I am wondering if it’s better if a guy says he’s only looking for friends with benefits and then let’s see, but who in their right mind would go for that?

Unless OLD has changed a lot since I last used it, I seem to remember quite a lot of men looking for 'proper' relationships. I've read lately about something, I think it's called the burnt haystack technique of filtering out unsuitable candidates. However, my worry would be that there wouldn't be any men left at all if I applied that filter!

Oh that’s interesting.

Maybe that’s what I need to do. Put that filter on I mean. But on the other hand, it all feels a bit too serious before you’ve even met! Urgh! OLD is a minefield!