AIBU? Partners old videos

[TheChicViewer]

I found intimate videos on my new partners phone but he isn’t removing them … this is hurtful to me ! I want him to get rid but he won’t :(

Don't think he is the partner for you. You deserve better xx

Why are you looking at your new partners phone? I would dump you for this alone!

Why did you go through his phone?
you say a new partner? The poor sod should run to the hills far, far away from you if you are doing this

Why did you go through his phone? That's a massive invasion of privacy. I would definitely break up with someone if I found out they'd went through my phone. That's unacceptable behaviour

Why are you looking through his phone?!

Dump him. And if you feel the need to look through your boyfriend's phone, don't bother - just get rid of him and save yourself the bother and moral ick.

How new is your new partner? And why have you felt the need to go through his phone? maybe you need some time to work on yourself.

Not your place to go through his phone, but also, if that's your boundary there is nothing wrong with sticking to it, though it may mean ending the relationship.

Ask him to put them into his 'secure' folder.
Why are you searching your new BF phone? That is seriously out if order, Have a word with yourself and find your self confidence and belief.

I agree with pp that going through a partner's phone isn't ok but that doesn't detract from the main issue.

If he has intimate photos of previous girlfriends and partners, that's very disrespectful to them. He should have deleted the photos when the relationships ended.

Ok maybe I should have been more clear - I wasn’t secretly going thru his phone - we were flicking through our camera rolls together just going thru memories etc and past holidays and I saw them and asked him about them. He said they’re part of his past so should keep them - pics and videos. I just couldn’t believe it. We have been going out about 12 months now.

after seeing them I asked to see them.

I don’t go thru his phone behind his back …

but I guess maybe I am the a-hole :/ I’m shocked lol

Depends on the nature of the content. If it's sexy stuff with an ex then that tells you he may not be committed to you. He was dismissive of your feelings on the subject which can be a red flag.

Yeah no id get rid tbh. Might be that hes not over his ex. Random stuff hes forgot about in the cloud or whatever I can understand but not something he keeps and looks at regular.

People don't like it, but he had a life and relationships before you. They are part of his life. They are his history and his memories. You might not want reminders of that, he might.

I understand that many people feel threatened by it, but I think it's part of adult life. That relationship didn't work out. He's with you now. I'm sure you've also had past relationships. Maybe they still have pics of you. Who knows?

Different if he doesn't seem to be over his ex, keeps comparing you or looks at them all the time, but IMO it's unrealistic to pretend he was celibate pre you.

On the other hand, I don't allow anyone to take pics or videos of me, as I don't want that content out in the world, and you can never guarantee that anyone will keep it private or delete it when asked.

Absolutely dump him. You do not keep intimate photos and videos of your exes. It's for him to wank over. He knows it, you know it, we know it. When my disgusting ex left me he forgot to delete his photo album on my laptop, so I got an eyefull of all his exes. Absolutely vile. He also left his 'sex diary' which apparently he was going to base a novel on 😂 That went in the bin. He's probably still searching for it.