Making new friends when you’re hitting your thirties seems impossible.

[katyxx]

Hi all,

I genuinely feel quite embarrassed to post this but does anyone just not have a good friendship group or family around them?
I have two children and I’m pregnant again and never felt so lonely.
i have my partner and he’s amazing and I love spending time with him and the children but sometimes I think having a group of girl friends will make everything better just to be me, but as I’m getting older it’s seeming pretty impossible to make friends. Where do you even go to make friends is my question??
maybe I’m just hormonal and going through emotions but does anyone else feel like this???

Hi. I did an evening class and got chatting to the woman next to me. We then joined another group together. We have been friends 10 years now and still go to this group. We are all good friends now and some of us go away together too.

Do you work? I think 3 kids, a partner and a job is more than enough. Plenty of time for friends later on

Have you ever had friends? If so, what happened to the friendships? If not, why not?

I relocated at 45 and lost a lot of friends and arrived in Covid.

so mine are:
church groups - find a liberal happy church with lots of messy play and activities
insist on child free time with my partner on a regular basis where you can join a tennis club/ running club/ knitting club etc

I do work yes but I run my own business so only communicate with my clients and don’t work with anyone else.

I have had friends in the past but I moved 3 hours away 5 years ago so left friends behind. I also did have a small group of friends here, but since becoming pregnant I have realised they are not my friends as I no longer get invites anywhere or included in anything or even asked if I’m ok, and it’s always me making the effort so again I wouldn’t really class that as friends.

But moving around is completely normal. I’ve lived in five different countries, and in several different places within those countries. I’ve kept many friends from the old places, but making new local ones is a priority when I arrive somewhere new. My most recent move was aged 49. You have to put yourself out there, if there’s something you want, and you ideally should have an idea of the type of people you like and where to find them. Some of my newer friends have been via work and via DS’s friends’ parents (who are great, although the children have long since dispersed to different secondaries), but I still had to be proactive about the latter in particular, as we moved just before Covid.

We have a great local ladies group age range 20 to 80+ we do loads of events from coffee mornings to gigs and holidays. Try starting a group yourself for mums with young children, it only takes one person to reply to you, good luck x

I didn't really mean for you to make friends at work, I was more pointing out that working full time, raising 3 kids, running a house, and having a partner all take up time and attention and it just doesn't seem to be a good time to go looking for friends as well. Which is why I suggested leaving it a while. Count your blessings.

If you insist though, there's always the WI and Meet-up Groups, that might be a good start.

I moved in my late forties and it was tough. Didn’t know anyone in my new town.

i got out and about to everything I could see that was even vaguely appropriate. Church, choirs, went to the local band concert, said yes to everything.

took a while but I found friends. It’s not easy to start with though.

I joined a netball club when I was 46. I've made some really good friends as a result.

I have established friendship groups and individual friends from antenatal classes, from primary school, other activities my daughter went too and I got chatting to other mums, from book club, exercise class.
Basically, get out, be friendly, start chatting 🙂