I would really appreciate some advice as to what others would do in my situation, please.
I’m 45 and have been with my husband since I was 23. We met after I’d finished uni and was working for Tesco as a temporary stopgap. We have a 14 year old son who is entering crucial exam times so I’m very conscious of his stability.
Ever since getting together, he has been in and out of work due to various illnesses, mental health problems, etc meaning that I have always been main steady breadwinner. I’ve been a teacher for approaching 20 years and my salary is just enough to keep us afloat and the wolves from the door. My husband is frequently in debt, putting off bills, accounts frozen etc. In fairness, however, he helps out in lots of ways domestically eg making cups or cups tea and toast etc for dinner when I’ve been teaching as well as cleaning the bungalow (he works 3 days a week so has more time to take over much these responsibilities) He also takes our child to school and collects him at the end of the day as it’s too far/dangerous for him to walk.
A few years ago he had an affair with a colleague which was both emotional and physical (“just kissing” is what he has admitted to) She was his senior at a learning centre for adults with learning difficulties and, according to my husband, he had been instructed to speak to her, as well as another colleague who, incidentally, was also having an affair, about his problems. This place of work is located in the tiny hamlet in which we live. They had long talks during the day, texting during the evenings, etc and I get the impression that a lot of the talk centred around me, how ‘controlling’ I was, etc. She has never met me but my husband told me that she, or perhaps a different colleague, had given a tip-off to social services about my controlling behaviour :( At the time I could sense my husband pulling away from me so I was perhaps more anxious but not once did I try to control his movements or stop him from doing anything. In fact, I was the one who recommended he attend the staff Christmas party and drove him there myself. The person from social services, or similar, who spoke to my husband cleared my name of any counts of abusive behaviour and suggested that his colleagues were perhaps the controlling ones.
I feel that the cornerstones of our marriage have crumbled: financial security (perhaps I’m, maybe selfishly, becoming tired of shouldering most of the financial burden) and also the emotional security. He has tried since the affair- changed jobs, stopped all contact-apart from the first couple of weeks- and has been much more transparent. I just feel like I’ve lost something I used to see in him/us and am starting to imagine a different life.
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this and any advice would be greatly appreciated.