Fed up with single mum narrative when dating

[Datewoeme]

Is it just me or do men always make out like single mums must be gagging for it?

The last two men I’ve dated have made comments. I asked someone how he felt about dating a woman with kids. His answer was that all the mum’s he has slept with have been ‘mad for it’ so he doesn’t mind at all.

The other man I’ve had three dates with now - good dates. We aren’t seeing each other this weekend but have discussed a night away in a couple of weeks. He said something crude last night about how he is looking forward to finding out if what people say about single mums is true. I asked him to clarify and he said about being gagging for it and wild when they get the time. He did apologise and say he was joking.

Has anyone else experienced this? The same is never said about single fathers.

He sounds horrible.

For transparency I have never been a single mom, and never heard anyone say this before. But if it’s the second person saying this to you, it must be a thing that men say. And you are right I don’t think people would say the same about single dads.

If someone said that to me it would put me off. What a horrible thing to say about anyone. Wanting sex is much more than the just the sex it’s often missing the intimacy and having someone you can rely on. And taking that to turn it into something nasty (in my opinion) would be a no for me.

I've been a single mum.

Any bloke who made a comment about women 'gagging for it' would not get another date. He's pathetically immature and that's not what I'd be looking for. Keep moving, OP.

You're not still going to go, are you?

My suspicion is that these men have been told, on MRA forums, that single mums will put out to try to snag a partner who will support them and their children.

The best way to counteract this narrative is simply to tell them to sling their hook.

Isn’t it possible you just encountered two duds?

never heard of this but yuk this mades me think of tattooed turkey teeth young and work in sales wide boy types

Yuck
I hope you arent going on your weekend away with a stranger after a few dates.

I especially hope you're not after what hes said 🤮

Yes, men do often think that single mums are the lowest of the low and therefore desperate. I was told several times that "I wouldn't find anyone else who will take you in with a kid!" and variations on that theme. I don't need anything, have my own home and am self sufficient. Can do more DIY than most men I know too. I don't think many of them spend much time reflecting on what they do offer in relationships, because after 16 years of being alone I know for a fact I am better of financially, mentally, health-wise than I was with any man before I had my daughter! Marriage is just legalised slavery where even the poorest man gets a slave, in my opinion.

Men think that the worst thing for a woman is to be single with cats. Really it is to be married to a guy who you have to look after for the rest of your life, who doesn't see you as a whole human being.

Yup - apparently we’re gagging for it AND after all our friends’ husbands.

i’m going to be honest and people will get mad at this but i do think single mums give them self this reputation, and i say that as a single mum myself but so many are happy to have fwb or ons because they don’t want anything serious so it’s not really a surprise that single mums get a reputation for being more open to casual sex / sleeping around

The words ‘gagging for it’ equals’lowest form of scum’ in my head

There's a certain type of man who assumes that any woman who's no longer in a relationship will have been deprived of sex for so long they must be gagging for it - single mums, recent divorcees, widows, whatever. They don't care, and expect the woman to be so thrilled at the prospect of access to the contents of a man's trousers that their knickers will drop at the speed of light.

They have another think coming, the deluded twats.

tbf i have heard this said particularly about single mums just not single women in general

By whom??

online mainly

and i’m obviously not the only one who has seen it

I never experienced anything like that when I was dating as a single mum OP.

Or are you talking about online dating because I never tried that.

I've seen comments about "widow's fire" and I think it's disgusting to stereotype any group of people. Sadly, some people look down on single mums and seem to enjoy saying nasty things about them-all the single mum I know are focusing on their kids and don't date, so horrible comments about "gagging for it" really don't apply.

Well, my friends and I who are single mums were/are exactly like the stereotype. We laugh at that. But I never thought about how it would feel for single mums who are not. Regarding these guys, only you can tell if they are just being well intentioned but clumsy or if they are misogynistic pricks.

He’s just told you what he really thinks of you - believe him

Uuugh. I assume you’ve dumped him?

I'm a single mum and once had a first date with a guy who said he was looking forward to a night of wild sex followed by him raiding my son's snack drawer - because single mums are known for being insatiable with the best snacks. He thought he was hilarious...there was no second date (I actually left the date there and then 😂).