He cheated

[Appletr]

I’m so sad. I’m in a 5 year relationship with a 6 month old baby. I had so much faith in us.
He went away for work on Monday for a night. On Tuesday night I found messages on his phone (I was using it, he knew I was messaging from it…he obviously forgot to delete them - I almost wish he had, ignorance is bliss)
Messages saying I miss you, I can’t wait for a repeat of last week, you’re so lovely etc.
I.feel.sick.
I questioned it, he’s shut me down and said it’s just banter, he loves me, why would he risk everything he’s got. He’s so fucking busted and he still won’t admit it. My world has shattered. I can’t imagine leaving but I can’t see how I can ever trust him again. I thought he was my rock.
I don’t doubt that he wants baby and I to stay. I think he thinks he can brush this under the carpet and I’ll forget it. But how could he do this to us.
I was self employed but I’m obviously currently not working - the plan was I’d go back in the spring but we’d tag team as he is also self employed. I moved in with him and luckily rented my house - I don’t think it’s that easy to ask the tenants to move out though. But at-least I have it. So I do have an out.
I have absolutely no no idea why I’m writing this, I just feel so lonely and stuck and lost and betrayed. He’s fast asleep next to me like all is normal -how is he so oblivious to the fact he’s blown our world apart. This is not what I wanted for our baby. I don’t know where to start with fixing this - I can’t look at him let alone talk to him.

Speak to your rental agency to find out what steps you would need to take to end your tenants tenancy.
Look into childminders / nurseries and see how soon you can return to work.

Put his income into a CMS calculator and see what he will have to pay towards his child, put your financial details into one of the benefits websites and see if you will be eligible to any support i.e. Universal Credit / Childcare assistance with fees etc

Get your ducks in a row.

The audacity of him to be able to fall asleep like that, so sure that he can do what he likes and there will be no real consequences. You can guarantee he will continue with this behaviour. Please get out, OP. It’s absolutely awful what you’re going through, but if you stay it will get a lot more awful. You don’t want to look back after ten painful years and see this as the point where you should have left for the sake of a happier life.

Aww hon. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

How easy he can sleep knowing he’s just fucked your world up. If I broke my partners heart even if I hadn’t cheated, I’d be so gutted for her I wouldn’t be sleeping soundly.

Let alone in her bed. Not until I’d cleared my name and made her feel reassured (not gaslit, reassured). He should be on the sofa.

It’s not on. I would start making plans to leave him. I wouldn’t say anything other than you are still processing things though. Don’t tell him you’re leaving until you have a place to be. Or ideally, are out. As you just never know with guys, it can be unsafe when they think you are leaving them (At least, the sort that cheat and gaslight and seem to have no care for your suffering).

Im of the opinion that if they don’t marry you before babies it’s indicative that they are keeping their options open but, I’m sure lots of people would disagree with me.

Either way, you know fine well what you saw. Don’t waste time and energy arguing with him on it. Just focus on your little one and getting things sorted to leave as soon as you can. Don’t waste another five years or so with his bs.

The child is young enough to go now that it won’t remember so that’s one small mercy at least. You deserve so much better. But you won’t get it from men who cheat and can’t even be accountable about it when caught.

So sorry OP, that must be really painful. Really good advice from Sodthesystem above already; just wanted to reach out.

Please look after yourself.
💐

Absolutely all of this. How dare he snore away like he hasn't just turned your world upside down.

His gaslighting indicates he lies very easily and with impunity. Who knows what he's been upto in the past.

Two words - get rid.

He’s one of those men who think if they deny often enough, you can be gaslighted into believing him. You know what happened and you always will know.

Utter cunt !!
Men like him don't deserve happiness .

The previous message about getting your ducks in a row is sound advice. Try to focus on you, not the whys of his bad behaviour. Once you know where you stand in terms of housing and finances you can objectively weigh up what you want to do. I know it’s difficult in emotionally charged situations but it will give you the grounding to make a decision. This is your life and you are entitled to it being as peaceful and lovely as you can make it for you and your child. What men do when they visibly have it all and why remains a mystery I don’t care enough to solve, we are strong and resilient. Sending a big hug.

Thanks everyone. writing it all out helps and seeing the replies has given me a logical way to get thru this. I’m going to start organising myself!
Thanks all

Keep strong @Appletr You're worth far more....don't look back.