Am I chasing a lost cause?

[Lilac02]

Met a guy via OLD almost three weeks ago. We hit it off instantly and both clearly felt a spark on the first date. So much so, we met again the next day. As we said goodbye the following day, I asked if I could see him again soon and he indicated that he had a busy week coming up. He then initiated meeting up the following week, which we did after a bit of back and forth.

Up until now we had been messaging consistently throughout the week and sending each other updates and sweet texts. Over the weekend things went quiet and communication has dropped to once a day, if that. I ‘double messaged” him again asking if he was OK and received a response that he was super busy and flat out at work/life at the moment. I’m supposed to be seeing him again this week (again, I asked when I could see him next) but he’s made no effort to follow up on planning a date.

I may be being pedantic and reading too much into this, but am I chasing a lost cause? I’ve had very similar situations repeat themselves in dating over the last few months and feel like this keeps happening to me!

He doesn't sound interested I'm afraid, he'd make the time if he was.

I would honestly leave it up to him now - and if he doesn’t respond or make suggestions then that’s your answer. It’s so hard to do - but don’t invest too much at the start!

You need to stop chasing him. He doesn't seem very interested.

The too busy excuse, I mean he might be but it only takes a minute to send a message and he wasn’t too busy when you first started talking, I feel your pain, I’m a few months down the line and getting this, from tomorrow, do not message first or double message, let him come to you, and unless it’s a well thought out message, stop replying, it will fizzle out or he’ll step up if he realises he could lose you.

Sounds like all the effort is coming from you! I'd stop asking when you can see him again and leave it. If he's keen, he'll be messaging you and arranging to see you. If he's not doing that then yes, he's a lost cause!

If he wanted you he would....... I'm learning this the hard way xx

You do sound a bit keen and full on.

If this a repeated pattern in recent relationships I'd have a look at how you are coming across. It seems from reading your OP that you are the one that asked to meet the next day. Then the next. And then when he said he was busy and went quiet you again messaged (twice) to see when you could meet again.

I might be wrong, but that would put me off in a new relationship. You say that you 'hit it off instantly' - but really you only know what you felt. He might have found you pleasant enough and is now wondering how to tell you you're a bit full on. You've only known hi 3 weeks.

Constantly 'super busy' is often a convenient excuse for not wanting to actually see you. I think this one is done - and I'd be a bit more cautious in future not to throw myself straight into things.

Personally I think messaging everyday is a lot. Especially when life is very routine..how many times can someone say they're fine/works busy/stressful/whatever.
Small talk is pointless and exhausting.

I would step back and let him miss the thrill of the chase a bit. You are due to meet next week, that's good.
In the meantime if he's bogged down with work, that would explain his reluctance to be available or to chat about it.
Depending on the level of work stress ..some people don't want to talk about work AT ALL once they've clocked off (I am 'some people')

Try to chill out a bit, being too clingy/available isn't great for some people.

You're flogging a dead horse. He's clearly not that bothered but you keep pursuing him. Just drop the rope.