Post-separation motherhood struggles (TW emotional abuse)

[complicated789]

We were together since age 17. 15 years together. 6 year old child together. He was emotionally abusive but our connection was very deep. I’m 20 month post separation (I left) and now divorced. Is it normal to still have doubts that you’ve done the right thing. I’ll always love him in some way. But I feel like I’ve solved one problem by creating another - that being only seeing my child 50/50. The pain of not having my child full time is proving to be so unbearable that I often wonder if I should/could have tolerated the relationship.

You don't have to tolerate abuse, ever! Finding your new normal takes time. Change takes time. What do you do when you are child free? This is your chance to rediscover yourself. To fill your own cup of joy. I used to sit home alone and wait for my children to come back. It did nothing apart from hurt me.

Thats sounds tough lovely, you spent a long period of your life together so I can imagine that has been such a big change for you. Having to share your child must be so hard but you will have done the right thing because now your child doesn't have to grow up seeing their parents in a toxic relationship. You don't want your child to see that emotional abuse and think that is a normal way to live 💜

I am with my childs father so I don't have that experience of not having them home but I can imagine that must feel empty when little one is not around, try and use that time to do things for you (as someone with their child 100% of the time I miss having time for me!) I would go for walks, go to the gym, find a class/hobby, self care

Soon when little one is up and running around you will find it hard to get anything done so use your alone time to get anything done at home, shopping, batch cooking food, making activities, organising toys just anything you can think of so when you are together you can be 100% present and enjoy the time you do have together

I totally sympathise. I think when you’ve been through so much and have had to make the choice to escape it’s not the same situation some single parents have where the child-free time is enjoyable and freeing. It’s often a time where the pain of it all comes out, and not being able to see your child can add to that pain. It may be a case of getting through it and trying to alternate processing things and doing comforting things for yourself. And over time as you feel safer and stabilise, hopefully more positive feelings and a more fulfilling life will emerge. You left for a reason. Your safety matters.

Thank you for your responses. Bumping to see if anyone has had a similar experience where kids are involved