Same Old Spaces

[OneRedNewt]

Why is so hard to leave a relationship in life that keeps calling you back? You want to escape, but somehow, end up returning to the same hell hole you promised you wouldn't come back to. How does one sever everything once and for all?

I sat and looked at the ADs I'd just been prescribed, and thought "You are NOT starting down that route. For God's sake woman, you're not depressed, you are unhappy. Massive difference. Leave. Run."

Then I logged on, updated my cv and applied for every appropriate job I could find, within 20 miles of my home town. It isn't easy but it can be done.

Yes, it can be. However, it requires the courage to do so, and I guess I don't have it in me anymore.

Block them on everything is a good start.

Its sounds like you built up a good relationship which turned sour and now you want it to work as it used but cannot.
But..
You have 3 options, either you can either seek counselling, or you can talk it out properly with boundaries and expectations, or call it quits and move on.

If this was a difficult relationship and they are trying to reel you back in it does take strength to fight it. Some personality types can keep trying long term and ignore your boundaries. Can you investigate yourself and relationship history to fully understand your drivers? Grey rock is a good technique and once you have clearly stated your boundaries if they step over that it becomes harassment. Strength develops once we assert our boundaries. I hope this helps and you are able to break free.

No one telling you to leave will help, it's not that easy but if you are finding it tjis hard it's not a good relationship.

Have a listen to Dr Ramani podcasts if you can do so safely xxx

All the advices here are worthy of practicing and adhering to, but I am so lost, I don't even know whether it is good or bad.
Yes, it was a romantic relationship, which now has so many cracks over it. I don't want to keep dragging it with me, my whole life. We have agreed to stay "friends", but we know what we were and I cannot help but get swayed at times and the reality hits me that, no. I can't and shouldn't be thinking of it that way.
I feel like I unintentionally lead him on, and I know it's not right to do so, but he never listens. He always finds a way to slip back in my life.
I know I can't give him marriage, love, or even empathy at one point because this person cannot walk with me for the totality of my lifespan. I don't think I can restart with this man. I don't even want to, but I unwillingly get pulled back.
I do miss what we were in the beginning, but I changed as a person, and I am tired of being HIS WHOLE WORLD and carrying that exception that I am the only one is his life that gives him happiness, meaning, structure. I can't shoulder that big of a responsibility. I haven't found ways to show up for myself, how can I do it for him?